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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155381">William Is Dead</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoidwick/pseuds/Zoidwick'>Zoidwick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Afterlife, Aliens, Angst, F/M, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:35:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,511</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155381</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoidwick/pseuds/Zoidwick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>William dies and wakes up in a field. It turns out, death is not the end.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Prose From the Abyss</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Second Birth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Second Birth</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Will had an inkling he was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he lay there, eyes closed and smelling clean air, his memory was a rush of confused imagery. There was only one prominent image near the end and he was sure it had just happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been hit by a speeding car which had no chance to slow down or swerve out of the way. Quite the end to a miserable day. At least it was over now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his eyes slowly, surprised to see that he lay upon a field of short grass that stretched for as far as he could see. It was unlike any other grass he had ever seen; lovely and dark with tiny translucent lights slowly travelling across the surface from bottom to top, like tiny bugs. He chanced a roll onto his back and stared up in wonderment, eyes wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, above him in the sky, was a massive stream of luminescent matter, different colours ranging from blues to dark greens and streaks of gold, all rotating around a solid black core. He could barely breathe as he took in how vast it was, and how beautiful and terrifying, all at once. The name that came to mind was </span>
  <em>
    <span>black hole</span>
  </em>
  <span>, though it did not look like any of the depictions he had seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will now believed he was dead. There was no other explanation for his appearance here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a while he lay there, unable to move because he was transfixed on the sight of the huge phenomenon in the sky, along with the thought of his death being a thing of the past. He frowned at the idea of that. He’d always believed that once a person was dead, they were dead. There was no afterlife, no god, nothing to comfort them, no place for them to exist in; just an end to consciousness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Given he was wrong, and his current circumstances, he felt as though he should’ve been far more disturbed, but curiously, he was simply existing in the moment and letting those thoughts pass by like grains of sand in a flowing river.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing that did not change was the awe-full terror of seeing the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked and sat up slowly, afraid that his body was broken from the impact of the car, but he was surprised to find he was intact. He looked down to see he was naked, but felt no self-consciousness about it. In fact, he couldn’t stop staring because his body looked different. It took him peering very closely at his own hands for him to see what it was; much like the grass he sat in, there were tiny faint lights moving under the top layers of his skin. They were moving towards the fingers and vanishing into nothingness at the tips. A look at his upper arms showed him lights flowing down to his hands. His curiosity piqued, he looked at his legs and saw there were lights travelling towards his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood up lazily and looked around. There was no one else there. The field stretched into darkness a long way off, and everywhere he looked, the glow from the ground persisted. He looked up at the sky and a twinge of terror bolted through him, so he looked back down again. It was prudent to avoid looking up for now, he decided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing to do but walk. He reasoned it didn’t matter which way he went; every direction looked the same. So, after turning a few times with his eyes closed, he opened them and set off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The main feeling where his situation was concerned was curiosity. There were moments of anxiety, but nothing persisted. Aside from his own brief dull flares of emotions, he realised he could not really experience the passage of time. Was there even Time in this place? Nothing changed in the environment; there was no wind, there were no other objects other than the grass itself, and the only thing that moved was the maelstrom in the sky, soundlessly imposing. Even when he kept his eyes away, he could feel its presence hovering like an overzealous parent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t have said how long it was when he saw the first spark of something different. There was a flash in the sky, bright enough to jerk his head up, and right there, in the solid black core, were spirals of light pulsing as they rushed towards the centre. The moment they collided, the entire core blinked a blinding white, before a screaming jet of light shot out and rushed to the ground. He tensed and grimaced violently at the screaming, almost blocking his ears before he noted it was fading in volume.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It landed some ways away. All he saw was the light reach the ground and the strange, metallic scream abruptly ended. Upon seeing its impact, he realised he’d been expecting an explosion of some sort, or perhaps another flash of light to mirror the one from the core. Instead, the light simply vanished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He started walking towards it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he’d reached the site of the impact when he saw another body laying there in the grass. From the flare of the hips, he guessed it was a woman. She was lying on her side, positioned like she was clasping something close to her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated on approaching her. For the first time since he had died, his emotions were no longer dull flares, but brilliant flashes. Inside, he was a vibrating ball of trepidation and confusion as he stared at her. He realised she wasn’t wearing clothes and suddenly, his own nudity mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nevertheless, he couldn’t just ignore her. He walked over to her reluctantly. The closer he got, he could see her spine had a faint luminescence to it, muffled by the layers of skin. It glowed enough that he saw tiny lights radiating from it, fading quickly. He wondered if it was the same for his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked in front of her, looked at her and quickly averted his eyes; her nudity felt almost too much to look at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The environment around them looked much the same as where he had landed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and he turned to her again. He bent down carefully and reached out to briefly nudge her arm. Upon contact, his fingertip surged with light, albeit tiny and brief, but it surprised him enough that he jerked his hand back. The sensation that came with it was oddly pleasurable and not unlike an electric feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That touch alone was enough to wake her. She groaned and balled up into a foetal position for a few moments before she stretched out. He watched as she opened her eyes and looked at him. She stared for a while with a squint, as if she wasn’t sure she was looking at something real. Then she frowned deeply as she pushed herself up to sit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will did nothing. He waited to see what she would do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment she was sitting up, her eyes relaxed and she looked up at the sky. It elicited an expression on her face which disturbed him more than he cared to admit, and he realised it was probably the same expression he had made when he first saw the kaleidoscopic monster above. There was something almost trance-like about her staring, right up until she blinked and looked down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am… am I dead now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a whisper, but in the constant silence he had been walking in, it was startlingly loud. Her voice gave him goosebumps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” said Will carefully. “I think so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He asked, “What’s the last thing you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked off into the distance and her brow creased slightly. “I was in the hospice. I was laying there. My children and my grandchildren were there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grandchildren?” His voice betrayed his surprise. She didn’t look to be more than a young woman in her mid-twenties.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will shook his head. “Nothing. Uh, keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gave him a light shrug. “That’s all. I was dying. Stage four cancer. I just remember glimpses of them and darkness. And then I… well, I fell asleep.” She looked around. “No… I died, didn’t I? I must’ve. How else am I here?” She frowned deeply. “Where is here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I woke up here just like you did,” said Will, nervously scratching his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Her voice was a snap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your arm. Those lights.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down and saw wherever he scratched, little lights flared and bounced off into different directions before dissipating after a couple of seconds. He stopped, and so did the lights. As an experiment, he drew a line down his forearm with his fingernail and watched with fascination as a brief trail of chaotically ricocheting lights followed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at the woman and saw she was now sitting cross-legged, looking at her arms and touching them over and over, entranced by the light show under her skin. Will did his best not to look below her waist and again it reminded him of his own nudity. He awkwardly covered his genitalia with his hands, trying to look as nonchalant as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” She asked slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re right. We died. The last thing I remember was a car rushing at me,” explained Will. “I woke up here. I’ve been walking around until I saw you falling through the air and I started walking towards you. And here I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Falling?” She looked at him, an expression of disbelief. “From where?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. From there,” Will pointed up towards the black core.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She followed his finger and her eyebrows rose in a shot. “Out of there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that where you came from?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” shrugged Will. “I just woke up on the ground.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood up and looked at herself with a gasp. “I’m young.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… I look like I did in my twenties. God, I haven’t seen myself look like this for so long. I’d forgotten. I loved my body at this age,” said the woman, stretching her arms and legs out, twisting her torso to look at as much of herself as she could manage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked away, a little too fascinated by the way her curves twisted and flowed. She was utterly gorgeous with long black hair, dark brown eyes, wide hips and bottom-heavy curves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be a prude. It’s just a body,” said the woman, amused by his awkwardness. “And you can stop covering yourself up, too. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked at her, vaguely embarrassed, and chose not to reply to that. He did, however, uncover himself. “I’m Will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Will. I’m Emily.” She made no show of being conscious of his nudity and kept her eyes on his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Emily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled and looked up at the sky again. Her smile disappeared in a flash and she shuddered slightly. “That’s terrifying. It’s beautiful, but it’s terrifying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” agreed Will. “I try not to look at it if I can help it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably a good idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will watched as she slowly turned on the spot, looking in every direction. When she finally turned to him again, she twisted her lips and with a voice drenched in curiosity, asked, “How old were you when you died?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Startled by the question, he replied, “Uh… Forty-three.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, that’s a surprise. You look about twenty-five to me right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at his own body. It hadn’t occurred to him earlier because he had been so fascinated by the lights in his skin, but he saw she was right. His skin was markedly less lined and looked healthier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was eighty-six.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily shrugged. “Well… it had to end sooner or later. I had a good, long life. It could’ve been far worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her tone of acceptance mirrored his own state at that moment. There was something reassuring about having her there, something almost disarmingly calming. He didn’t quite know whether it was that her presence was proof he was not alone here, or it was more her demeanour. Probably a mixture of both, he decided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sad for my children, though,” she noted softly, staring at her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling slightly unsure and awkward, he said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she seemed to come back to herself, she scratched her neck, and he was mesmerised by the way the lights in her neck bounced down to her collarbone and lit its edge like a dim neon light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to admit, this isn’t what I expected after death,” said Emily. “Well, I didn’t expect anything at all, to be honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what do we do?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. There has to be some place we can go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can find out,” said Will. “I just picked a direction and started walking until I saw you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long were you walking for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged. “Hard to tell. I just kept walking. I couldn’t really feel time passing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough,” said Emily, surprising him with the way she so readily accepted his words. “Well then, Will… shall we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They started walking together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He noted he was no longer concerned with his nudity around her. In the face of being dead, it felt a bit stupid. Along with that, there were many things coming to light. For one, he seemed incapable of feeling hunger and thirst. There were no aches or pains in his body, not even those that he could remember from his twenties. He could feel the grass beneath his feet but otherwise there wasn’t much else in the way of sensation. The air was dead still and the perfect temperature, entirely matched with his internal heat. It occurred to him that he may not have had an internal temperature anymore, though when he touched himself, he still felt a slight warmth. He suspected that had more to do with the lights than his own biology.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily did not say much, but neither did he. He was in a deep state of contemplation and he suspected the same was true for her. Maybe it was the silence around them that inspired it, but whatever it was, it became heavier the longer they walked. He thought about different points of his life; mostly the important, impactful ones, though he noted he felt a little removed from emotion when he examined them. They felt almost the same as moments in life that were stretches of boring nothingness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you thinking about your life?” Will asked eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes. Yes. Are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Just looking at all these moments in my life,” said Will. “Just… looking at them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Me, too. I’d be worried about that normally, but I’m not right now,” said Emily. “I’m not usually this inward and… pensive, I suppose, is the word.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neither am I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe this is just what being dead is,” suggested Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will turned that idea over in his head. “So, everyone was wrong, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very. What would you have preferred? This or nothingness?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With nothingness, there’s nothing to prefer. I guess I’d take that. All of this is just confusing, but I don’t care enough that it bothers me. That’s worrying, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily sighed. He was expecting her to say something, but the silence stretched on and he found himself lost in his own thoughts again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quite some time before they saw a flash. They both stopped walking. This time, Emily also witnessed the core. As before, there was a white glow, the screaming light, and the insubstantial impact on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you saw before you found me?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. You dropped out just like that. Then I just walked towards you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. What if it’s the same place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I just fell where you fell, and now whoever that is, they’ve fallen in the same spot? What if we’re not really going anywhere far from that spot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… I hadn’t thought of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re dead. This is a completely new thing. There’s no telling what the rules are here, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” agreed Will. It was as good a theory as any other. “We should go to the new person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The third person was a man named Luc. They roused him and explained their experiences to him. Like them, he appeared to be a young man, though he was much older when he had died. And like them, he was afflicted by terror whenever he looked at the sky. At first, unlike Will and Emily, the man was anxious and on the verge of panicking, but he soon calmed down when he realised there was no threat around him. He could not remember how he had died and he could not give them any new information. So, they all wandered on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More people fell from the sky. More of them were gathered up by Will and Emily, until they were a band of around fifty people roving around the never-ending field. From afar, Will imagined they all looked like a spotlight moving ceaselessly about, searching for something that would never be found. They kept going. Will and Emily walked on a little ahead of the others in their own space, silent and comfortable, while the others followed, chattering amongst themselves.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Arrival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>Arrival</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>Quite some time later, it appeared in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was monumentally large, far longer than it was tall or wide, and it loomed out of the strange darkness in the distance. Will had no real idea of how to define its shape because its shape was not solid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nearer the back were interconnected wheels spinning in and out of one another on fixed axles. Swathes of golden light emanated from the wheels, dissipating several metres away, so it looked as though the back of the object was aflame in slow motion. The middle and front were more recognisable as rectangular solid forms, but even within those, there were smaller turning wheels, and more golden light streaming out and behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will could not imagine it was anything but a ship. It flew towards them and the closer it got, the more that Will could see there was a sort of pattern to the golden light. It streamed out to the front and slowly angled towards the back, matching the speed of the ship’s flight. The light looked like multiple limbs grasping at the space between molecules, and as a result, the ship looked less like it flew, and more like it was simply dragging itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The humans stared at it, paralysed with wonder. Will felt Emily’s hand slowly grasp his wrist tentatively, but when he looked at her, she was staring up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ship stopped near them in mid-air and began to descend softly. Just like that, the streams of light changed direction, so the ship looked as though it was pulling itself down. It made no noise whatsoever, nor did it have any discernible effect on the environment around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It stopped several feet above the ground and streams of light gushed from the underside, to the ground. They sprouted little tendrils of light which snaked through the grass like tree roots. A huge portion of the ship’s underside detached and floated down to the ground. It was a dark and solid platform, infused with a yellower, dimmer light. On it were several tall forms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd of humans watched some of those alien forms move towards them. Will had some trouble figuring out what he was seeing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were between eight to ten feet, dark bodied with golden or white outlines that glowed faintly. Instead of faces, their heads had intricate patterns of golden lines and complex shapes. The one consistency between all the faces was that they were symmetrical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they got nearer, Will could see what he thought were soft outlines of their nervous systems; long spinal cords radiating lines of dim light into every other part of their body. It did not end there. Around the bodies themselves, Will could see auras of different sizes emanating from different points; small ones around the hands, large ones from the upper back, flaring out like wings which distorted the air nearby. There were a few small ones around the feet, and upper legs, as well as several spots along the spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything about the beings and the ship they came in screamed ethereal and alien. Will was subdued by the sight before him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Three of the aliens stood in front of the humans and glanced at one another. The lines and shapes on their faces pulsed light with dazzling speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The middle of the three looked at the humans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are here to take you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Its voice was a myriad of different tones layered over one another, and the shapes on its face flashed with each syllable. Startled at hearing a language he recognised, Will opened, and shut his mouth, unable to think of anything to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you?” Emily stepped forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your Shepherds,” said the form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shepherds?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is the word your kind use, is it not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you Christians?” One of the humans asked from the back of the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We are not that nor do we belong to any other belief systems you all hold. We are beyond. We are here to take you, to learn from you all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Learn what?” Will asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the details of your lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is our role.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will see. Come, the ship awaits.” With that, the alien stepped to the side, holding one arm out toward the platform.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing there was no other choice to be had, the humans walked onto the platform. It began to ascend as soon as everyone was on it. Will stared at the interior of the ship as it was slowly revealed; sleek shapes outlined by faint glowing lines, what appeared to be slightly translucent walls and all manner of pulsing lights travelling within them, like great circuits surging with power.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He noted there were screens spaced along some of the walls. Despite being so far in the interior, he saw they functioned as windows when he walked up to one of them and could see the field below, and the maelstrom above. Strangely, it no longer frightened him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ship lifted off and began to travel back the way it came.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no feedback from the ship as they travelled. He saw one screen that showed darkness with occasional streaks of light and asked the nearest alien what it showed. The alien informed him it showed the area exterior to the ship. To his eyes, it appeared to be almost completely a void. It was the only thing that gave him the idea they were moving at great speeds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is this place?” Will asked, feeling a twinge of awe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is our world,” said the alien who stood nearest to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but where is it? What’s it called? Where is it in relation to where I was? I come from Earth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The alien regarded him mutely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will did not say anything after that. He wandered about the ship as far as he was allowed to go. Despite there being no doors of any kind blocking his way, he was always aware of the beings and where they stood. They only watched him, but there was a distinct feeling of unease that stopped him from approaching any corridors leading away from the room. He wondered if the beings were somehow projecting that unease, or if their mere presence was enough to curb his exploratory impulses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he wandered amongst the other humans, he caught snippets of questions they were asking of their Shepherds. Questions about long-dead family members, about what was coming, about whether there was a Hell waiting, or a Heaven, as hard as it was to believe. He wasn’t sure where he was wandering to until he ended up near Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will my husband be there?” She was asking one of the other beings. “My son? They couldn’t save him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Many have passed through here,” replied the Shepherd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Passed through? That implies there’s something more to come after this,” pointed out Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Shepherd stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily shrugged and turned to Will. She smiled lightly. “Any luck finding anything out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we have no choice then, do we? Other than to wait and see what happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems that way, yeah,” agreed Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well. I’m curious, Will. Were you one of those who believed in something after death?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what do you think of all of this, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked at her blankly. “I don’t know. Did you believe in something after death?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all. You know hardly anyone did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will frowned and hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most people I knew were believers. You must’ve lived in a very godless place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will, most of the world was godless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both silent for a few moments. Will looked at the Shepherd near them. It stared back, seemingly interested in the conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What year was it when you died?” Will asked eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“2092.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s… unexpected.” Will felt briefly light-headed; her answer had violently untethered him for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Judging from that comment, I’d say you have something interesting to tell me,” said Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was 2017 when I died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Emily’s face contorted in surprise. It was the first really overt display of emotion Will could remember seeing from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s over fifty years before you,” he murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s… I don’t know. I suppose we don’t really understand this after-death thing so maybe it’s not a big thing, at all. It’s just surprising.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like the number of dead here,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t it strike you as odd in some way? People die all the time but there are only about fifty of us here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… considering this place doesn’t seem to obey the same rules as our world did, maybe it’s just something to do with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t sound sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just doesn’t make sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure we’ll get some answers when we get to where we’re going,” Emily said in a reassuring voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will wasn’t sure he needed reassurance, but he let it go. It was an odd feeling; the curiosity itching at him, slowly burrowing deeper and deeper. The longer it went on, the more he felt a distinct, low-grade discomfort growing. He had no time to think about it some more, however, because all the Shepherds in view suddenly straightened and took a step forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In perfect unison, they intoned: “We have arrived.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was difficult for Will to take in what he saw as they left the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, there appeared to be nothing but darkness. Then, slowly, pieces of their surroundings filtered in. There were fleeting forms in the far distances all around, magnificently tall, and golden when they appeared, like flickering blurry skyscrapers. Waves of energy emanated in a myriad of colours from random places in the air, and occasionally, Will saw lights streak across the air. The only familiar thing was the black hole, ever-present above and now capable of triggering terror again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will’s eyes kept being drawn to the tall forms far away. Though they never appeared in their entirety, enough of their lines and edges had been gleaned that he could see they were buildings. He had no way of knowing if they were surrounded by one huge city, or there were several of them in every direction. When he asked for clarity about this, he was ignored.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were led away from the ship towards an empty space, but the moment they stepped through a threshold, a building solidified around them. Unlike the ship, its walls were opaque, though pulses of light still flashed through. They were in a long hallway, the end of which he couldn’t see, but there were several offshoot corridors regularly placed along the way. After a few turns, they were brought to a great hall, large enough to comfortably hold groups of people a few times their fifty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the Shepherds, taller than the rest, approached the crowd of humans and spread its arms. A web of light appeared behind it; different auras joined to create a pattern that made it look as though it had three more pairs of arms majestically reaching out. It accentuated the being’s grand stature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome, friends,” said the Shepherd. “This will be your residence. There will always be those to help if you ask. Since we have had your kind here before, we are able to offer you some familiar entertainments. There are limits, of course, which we will leave for you to discover for yourselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd of humans murmured, though Will couldn’t tell what sentiment, if any, was being expressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to know more about where we are. What all of this is. None of this makes any sense to me,” one of the men stepped forward. It was Luc.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Shepherd lowered its arms and tilted its head slightly, giving the man a little nod. “Yes. We understand you have curiosity and that this world is starkly different to the one you left behind. We have a process put in place for you all. Your questions will be answered as part of your Questioning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Questioning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will learn. We recognise the transition may be difficult, but know you are amongst friends. You are all beings of The Source, like us. We will help you understand during the process.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When does this happen?” A woman from the crowd asked. “What’s The Source?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Shepherd turned its face toward the inquisitive person and there was a brief sequence of flashing lights across its face. Finally, it answered, “Soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do not understand Time in a manner corresponding to your understanding. We only know the Questioning will be soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman creased her eyebrows and looked around her, at the others. Emily and Will exchanged glances; he could see his fascination reflected in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will leave you now. You are free to wander inside this building. We ask that you do not wander afar outside of this abode. There are dangers you will not recognise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another murmur rippled throughout the crowd, but it was cut off immediately at the sight of the being rising. It dissolved into a mess of auras that shredded into tiny ephemeral sparks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like that, the humans were alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They began to wander around, though most stayed in the main hall and sat down on floating legless chairs designed for one person, which appeared from nowhere. Will watched them for a while until Emily went over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Strange place, hmm?” Emily said, looking around. “Want to explore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will could think of nothing else to do and nodded. They wandered off together. Before long it was clear the hall they had been brought to was the centre of the building. Every corridor led to smaller spaces and eventually they found rows of rooms containing floating platforms. He prodded at the surfaces, fingers sinking in like it was soft foam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beds,” said Emily. “Funny that. I haven’t felt like sleeping since we appeared here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither. Maybe it’s just somewhere for us to be whenever we’re not doing... whatever it is they want us to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who knows?” Will shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s funny what they said about having a different concept of Time. It’s got me curious about what else is different,” said Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will nodded. “Something about all of this just feels… I don’t know. I can’t describe it properly. I feel dulled, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In what way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… I feel like I can’t feel everything like I used to. Don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will didn’t know what to say to that, but his thoughts were already moving on. “Is that death or is it something they’re doing?” Will pondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Shepherds? You sound like you don’t trust them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Shepherds. Now she had said that, he knew he’d think of them with the same name. He didn’t like the implications the word had. “I don’t know,” said Will. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. What can they do to dead people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A question I never thought I’d hear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They explored some more, but there was not much else to see. The rooms and spaces they found were often bare. When they found the doors leading to the exterior, there was nothing out there but empty space, except for those cities. He wasn’t sure why he had expected anything different. Their curiosity waxed and waned depending on what they saw but even that became a tiresome cycle and finally, Will told Emily he was going to one of the bedrooms to lay down and wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How long Will lay there, perusing over the moments in his life with a stark clarity, he could not have said. He felt as though he had gone through a third of his life, occasionally amazed at some of the things he had missed, before he was distracted by the walls flickering and several waves of light passing over the surfaces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a signal the Shepherds had come back; he was sure of it, though he could not say how. Perhaps they had put the thought into his head. When he went back to the main hall, several of the Shepherds stood at one end and Will watched the other humans trickle in slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It appeared that some of the humans had been busy with asking the Shepherds for things to pass the time. There were some instruments at one end of the hall, including a large grand piano that looked like it belonged in a prestigious concert hall. There were boxes of board games, easels messy with paint in front of canvases, half-built models with materials and parts strewn around the floor, and materials for drawing. He was impressed with how many people had been pursuing their creative impulses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily came and stood next to Will as soon as she saw him. She was wearing a simple white dress now, which he was thankful for, albeit a little disappointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where did you get the dress?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked them for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have to do that, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Well, I look forward to seeing you in a dress, though it’s a shame you’ll be covered up,” she said playfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. “Funny. But no… a pair of jeans or something will do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once everyone was present, the tallest of the Shepherds intoned, “The Questioning can begin. Each of you will be Questioned by one of us.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Questionings Begin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>The Questionings Begin</b>
</h1>
<p>
  <span>One by one, a Shepherd would approach a human and beckon, and then they would leave together down one of the corridors. Emily was approached before Will, and she gave him a glance and a little wave right before she left. It felt good. He nodded in return.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Shepherd who approached Will was roughly eight feet tall and the shapes on its face clustered together to form a three-armed starfish with equal-length arms, dead centred so the two top arms reached its temples and the third ended at its chin. It beckoned to Will nonchalantly as it walked by, barely giving him a glance. Will followed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It walked down a corridor that was familiar to Will until somehow, it took a turn that Will was certain had not been there before. This suspicion was confirmed when the corridor they travelled through was twisting and turning in shallow curves, in stark contrast to the straight paths in the rest of the building.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room Will was led to was surprisingly small and had nothing in it but a table and two chairs, one larger than the other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, sit down,” said the Shepherd.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will did so. The Shepherd sat on the opposite side, its height giving it an imposing feel in that room. Will felt small, like a child with a parent. He watched as the Shepherd stretched out its arm to the side and from the very air itself, tiny streams of white light appeared and sped toward its hand. The streams coalesced into an orb with one flat end. The Shepherd set it down on the centre of the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will regarded it with some fascination. It had different coloured internal lights appearing near the top, sinking down in a helical whirl before flashing out of existence at the bottom. It was constant and it reminded him somewhat of a very regular snow globe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will begin the Questioning,” said the Shepherd, causing Will to look up in surprise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What does that mean, exactly? Questioning what? What kind of questions?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We wish to learn about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We wish to keep records.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Shepherd’s face turned toward the orb on the table. “So that you are ever-lasting, like us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will frowned. “That implies I’m not ever-lasting right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It did not respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did I die? Is this what all of this is?” Will asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have often heard that word from your kind; ‘die’. And the word ‘death’. I wish to know what it means to you,” said the Shepherd. It’s voice was a little disconcerting; despite its layers, it was emotionless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know what death is?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We became aware of it because of your kind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will’s eyebrows rose. “So… you don’t die?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it to die?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To stop functioning. Your biological functions stop and they never start again. The body decays. It can never come back. The person who dies, they’re forever gone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A common answer,” noted the Shepherd. “We have often heard variations of that. It is a confusing prospect for us because we do not cease functioning. We have always been unchanging.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… what </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> change for your kind, then?” Will asked, trying to wrap his mind around what the Shepherd had said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We build. Sometimes with guidance, we create.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will was now paying more attention to the Shepherd’s head and decided it was a little disconcerting the way the shapes on its face pulsed with every syllable. Even worse, he could see beyond them to inside it’s head, where there were cores of soft light slowly moving around in a manner that reminded him of lava lamps. Occasionally the lights would merge and break apart, but they all appeared to be swirling around the very centre.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you have a name?” Will asked impulsively. He hoped it would make the Shepherd seem much less alien.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have designations, yes. You do not have the necessary apparatus to express my designation.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Necessary apparatus?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We communicate with our energy.” Then the Shepherd’s facial shapes flashed in a rapid sequence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So that was how they communicated. “Then maybe if I give you a name,” suggested Will.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Shepherd tilted its head slightly. “That would be acceptable.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to call you Y.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The shapes on your… face. They remind me of a letter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Writing. Symbols. Language recorded through symbols commonly shared. Remarkably interesting concept to us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you record anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y gestured to the orb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It absorbs energy. It will absorb the prominence of yours. Your words, your emotions, your movements; all of these emanate in our space. The orb will procure a fraction for our records.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will stared at the orb. “You’re telling me it’ll take a part of me into it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All things are an exchange. It will provide clarity in return. You are much like us in structure, but… less.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y ignored this question and asked, “What is your designation? We will begin there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“William Dormin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why is that your name?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My mother gave me William. Dormin comes from my father.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did she choose that name?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ensuing questions were rather basic. Will recounted some of his earlier life, the number of siblings he had, his wider family in general and the places he grew up until he was ready to leave home. It was not until near the end of the session when he was asked about his death that he realised the memories surrounding it were still sketchy, unlike the clarity present for the rest of his life. It was a very odd experience. When he thought of different scenes of his life, his mind was able to conjure the scene perfectly. He was also able to move the scenes around, as though he was a camera travelling through them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t I remember it very well?” Will asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that what it’s like for everyone? They have trouble remembering how they died?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It varies.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just remember a car rushing at me,” Will frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you remember why you were there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was… No. I don’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y’s face flashed and it turned it’s head to the side, as though it had heard something. Will did the same, but there was nothing different about the room. “We will stop here. I have all the details I need until I am asked to delve deeper,” said Y. It stood up rather quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was so abrupt, it made Will involuntarily jerk back. He wondered whether it was his words that had ended the session, or that the Shepherd had decided his death was a natural note to end on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You may leave,” said Y.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” said Will, standing up slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y evaporated into nothingness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unsettled by the way the session had ended, Will made his way back to the main hall, easier than he expected. Every turn was instinctive to him. It was very different to the feeling he had when he was led there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily was already back there and beckoned to him as soon as she saw him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will, what was that like for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was clear excitement in the way she was moving, energetic and vibrant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was different,” he said. “I don’t know. It was strange. Told that thing about my early life and all of that. Listen, can you remember your death?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Most of it. Things get hazy towards the end,” said Emily, thoughtfully. “It’s weird because most of my life feels like a newsreel now, you know? I can think back to a time and place and just move it around in my head and it feels like I’m watching a bunch of art installations.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like it’s a three-dimensional space that you can move in and out of,” said Will, nodding in agreement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. But the strangest thing is the emotions. I can feel the emotions when I’m there. And they’re not just inside me, they’re outside of me. It’s like they’re in that physical space and I can walk in and out of them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will stayed silent because this was not his experience and for some reason, he didn’t want to share it with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was not until much later that he knew the reason was because he did not feel normal. According to Emily, some of the other humans had shown the same sort of enthusiasm for the exploration of their past as well as the evoked emotions. For Will, the enthusiasm was missing. It was a shadowy reflection of how he had felt in life. He supposed he could’ve asked some of the other dead what they had experienced, but beyond Emily, he had not made any efforts with them, nor did he feel the urge to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was a pattern that persisted. He’d watch the others socialise more and more while he stood at the side, observing them carefully. At first, it was because some of the other humans had opted to remain naked, while he began wearing simple clothes. Eventually, he had to admit to himself he just felt he was not taking to the place the way the others were. He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for when he observed them, only that he wanted to see how things played out between them all. Their growing comfort with one another was almost as alien to him as the Shepherds themselves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily was different. Emily was an abundance of ease and comfort, and though she would sometimes talk to the others, she always sought him out whenever they were not being Questioned. He had no explanation for her doing that, other than the possibility that the  arrival of the other dead, the time they spent alone together had cemented a bond between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>More Questionings happened. The second seemed inconsequential as all Y did was ask about Will’s education and the various jobs he had had over his life. There were times when Y seemed to hint at linking the jobs to various aspects of Will’s personality, but Will made that notion meaningless when he pointed out several times that he worked simply for the money. At the end of that Questioning, Will was forced to admit to himself that he had never found a singular passion to strive for in life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the lack of passion came up in the third Questioning, Y asked, “Is this a matter of disturbance for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That I never had a passion for anything specific? I don’t know. I mean, not everyone can find their passion, can they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does every human have a passion?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will stopped to think about that. “Probably not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then, does it matter so much?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It matters to some people.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What defines when it matters?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will frowned. “You know, Y, sometimes your questions don’t quite make sense to me. You ask me questions about being human, and yet I was told by you… Shepherds, that you wanted to know the details of my life. These seem to be two separate things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y’s head tilted ever so slightly, a sign that Will had come to recognise was its way of showing thoughtfulness. “Are they separate?” Y asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Details are just minutiae. They’re just things that happened. The meaning of being human goes beyond that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have heard from your kind before that the devil is in the details. We have heard that what a human being does, is how they show themselves to be who they are. And who they are defines how they express their humanness. Their actions carry meaning.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will did not like hearing that. “I don’t know if I agree with that,” said Will.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s an implication then, that if someone doesn’t act as much as others, they’re somehow less human than someone else.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will tugged at his sleeve and hesitated. “We have entire worlds inside of us. We have thoughts beyond anything we could do in our actions. We carry entire stories that we never speak of. A person may spend their lives prone to inactivity, but it doesn’t somehow diminish their humanity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will have to think upon this. But I would like to know more about passion.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will found it an odd thing to focus on because it was too abstract for his liking. “Go on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You said you performed actions to survive, that you worked because it was a means of living. You make a distinction between this and having a passion in life. Please tell me more.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t speak for everyone else, only myself. All I mean is, I never really found anything I did for the enjoyment of doing it, and also as a means of making my way through the world. Some people, they find something they enjoy doing and they use it to survive. And then it doesn’t feel like work anymore. It feels like they’ve found something meaningful, something fulfilling.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fulfilling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Something that makes their life worth living, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you did not find this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will went quiet. Was that how it was then? He had lived a life that maybe he deemed wasn’t worth living. “No, I didn’t,” said Will eventually. He could not keep the sadness out of his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is passion always tied to work and survival?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. It can mean different things. It just means having a strong emotion. A strong drive. A strong enthusiasm for something. For some people it can be something as simple as having a passion for women.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y seemed to become taller for a moment as it straightened its back. The orb on the centre of the table glowed stronger and Will watched as a few lights appeared near his body and flowed into the orb. It wasn’t the first time he had witnessed it, but it was the first time he briefly thought of how he had heard there were Native American tribes who believed having a photograph taken of them meant having part of their souls stolen. He’d always found that a fascinating idea but at that moment, sitting in that chair and staring at the orb, it was a horrifyingly real prospect. He took a deep breath, though technically he had no need to, but the action served to calm him a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Women,” said Y. “You are a male, yes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am. Do you have genders? Sexes?” Will asked. It was rare he asked a question but sometimes the curiosity was too strong to ignore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We do not. Your examples of biology have an interesting variation. Rather fascinating,” said Y.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I suppose so.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you have a passion for women? There is a word we have seen from every human being who has passed through.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will nodded. It was hardly a surprise. Given how the Questionings had gone so far, he had no doubt it was going to be discussed and with such an awfully large and varied topic, there was no telling how it was going to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know of the word,” said Y.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Most people do,” replied Will, his voice showing a weary resignation. It was not his favourite topic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are reluctant to speak of this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to talk about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But we are performing the Questioning.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So?” Will’s lip twitched. His eyes narrowed and he looked at the wall, breathing just a little more slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We ask. You answer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if I don’t? What if I don’t want to?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will end this and begin anew another time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will’s gaze settled on Y again. Its facial shapes flickered in a random pattern before they all turned off. Will couldn’t help but look beyond again, at those slow lava-lamp-like lights revolving around the centre of the head. His eyes drifted down to look at the neck where he could see the top of the spinal cord fading into existence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I have no choice on that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can choose to answer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, really… we’re dead and we have no real freedom. We’re at your mercy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mercy? What is mercy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Showing compassion for someone who’s been terrible. I don’t know why you’re asking. If people have been passing through here after death, then you must know all about us,” Will pointed out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y ignored that and instead, asked, “Have you been terrible, William Dormin?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the first time Y had said his name and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. The question made his shoulders and back tense up. He said nothing; the wall to the side was suddenly more interesting again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We know there are many different kinds of love,” said Y. “We wish to know what kinds were most prominent for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you would, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A flood of memories hit Will, too many for him to sort through properly. All they had in common was love, but only the word itself, not the action. It was something that many people around him had not figured out, he realised. Love was an action, as well as a word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are reluctant to speak of this. This tells us that you have had some experiences worth speaking of where love is concerned.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re wrong. I have no experiences worth speaking of where love is concerned. In fact, that question is meaningless to me. I don’t have a good memory of when it was most prominent. Or what kind was most prominent. You’re talking about a concept that is so widely spread over being human that it’s impossible to agree on what it means universally. I didn’t love, nor did I have love.” Will’s voice was bitter and quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We believe that is a lie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Why’s that then?” Now his tone was dangerously monotone, though of course the Shepherd would not pick up on it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You said you had two younger sisters. Was there no familial love?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There was. Once.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Once?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will rolled his eyes. “By the time I died, I hadn’t spoken to one of my sisters for three years. So, I doubt there was any love for me left in her. And the other sister… We had a difficult relationship. I don’t think she loved me either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you love them?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will hesitated. The question hit him like a sledgehammer, and he stopped breathing for a few moments. Letting out a slow sigh, he shrugged. “Yes. They were my sisters.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even in all that absence and turmoil?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why do you believe they did not reciprocate?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will shifted position nervously and lowered his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is a topic of consternation for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d like to stop talking about this now,” said Will hurriedly. “In fact, I’d like this Questioning to stop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter. I won’t be answering any more questions.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Y tilted its head and said nothing for so long, Will almost broke the silence. More motes of light appeared near Will and entered the orb. He stared at it and was unsure, but it seemed the orb was a little brighter than before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well,” said Y. “We will stop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will got up and didn’t even bother to watch Y disappear. He began to walk towards the main hall, but changed his mind and went to his bedroom instead. The last thing he wanted was to be amongst the other dead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stopped at the doorway of his room when he saw Emily sitting on his bed, her back against the wall. She quickly moved forward upon seeing him, her expression uncertain, as though she was unsure of whether she was welcome there. Her eyes were sad and the smile he was used to seeing was barely there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once she was at the edge of his bed, he sat down next to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Emily?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look about as good as I feel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gave him a small smile. “I was just thinking that about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Will asked, voice full of concern.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had a pretty bad time with the Questioning today. I mean, this day—uh, this time? You know what I mean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh… I got asked a few questions about my children. Let’s just say I realised some things I hadn’t known before. I suppose that’s the horrible side of having clarity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What kind of things?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily sighed. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. I just… I saw a few memories. Examined them. Two of my children were just waiting for me to die so they could inherit my wealth. Can you believe that? They felt… very little for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Emily.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily shrugged, trying to resist her deep frown. “I brought them into the world. I thought I knew them. I knew what good parenting was. I knew they were their own people, and it was good to let them be their own people, but I just don’t understand what I did that led to them being like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if you did nothing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I find it hard to believe that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t. From what I know of you, at least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily looked at him, smiling softly. “Thank you, Will. I just don’t know how to feel about this. I thought all of this would be okay. All these questions, all the things I’ve learned. It was idiocy not to realise it’d also mean learning things I didn’t want to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well… that’s the whole point of hindsight, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. I suppose I should be thankful I had a long life. And I was loved, at least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will nodded half-heartedly at that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will? What is it? I didn’t even ask you how you are. You look terrible. Tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head. “It’s not important.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure? I’m right here,” she said, reaching out and grasping his forearm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her touch was warm and the kindness in it made some wall inside melt away. As he watched the lights bouncing around in his forearm he said, “I was asked a few questions I didn’t want to answer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? Do you mind if I ask what they were?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just about love, actually. And my sisters. And I guess my relationship with them. And loving and feeling loved.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Difficult subject?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Somewhat. I… didn’t get on with my sisters. Not for a long time before I died. I doubt they even had any love left for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I find that hard to believe,” said Emily, in a reassuring voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will shook his head. “I wasn’t particularly good to them, Emily. My life was a mess. I had a lot of issues and I was the kind of arsehole that took it out on other people for a while. And unfortunately, my sisters got the brunt of it when we were growing up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean by ‘took it out’ on them?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing violent or physical. I was just an angry man and I had issues sometimes.” Will paused. “With addictions. I was clean for the last five years of my life but there was so much waste that I just didn’t know what to do with my emotions, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will… that’s all in the past.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t feel like it is,” said Will. That was the whole issue, really. He was dead and yet he did not feel as though he was moving on in any way. “I don’t see why I should answer all of these questions they’re asking me. I want to know why they want to know these things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily nodded. “I’m starting to wonder a lot more, too. Look, for what it’s worth… you’ve shown me nothing but kindness since we came here. That’s the Will I think of when I think of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had the impulse to ask her how often she did think of him, but he resisted. He smiled at her, and she returned the smile. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around him, giving him a long, deep hug, which he returned gratefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I just sit here with you?” Emily asked, against his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat together after, whiling away the time in each other’s company.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Lesser</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>Lesser</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>It was after the fourth Questioning that there was excitement for something new in the main hall. When Will returned after facing some questions about physical desires, which he felt had made him think of Emily a little too much, there was already a crowd loosely situated around one of the dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will pulled on one sleeve nervously as he approached the crowd from the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luc sat in the middle of the crowd, a beatific smile on his face and a look of wonderment. Will knew him well enough to see the changes; Luc’s skin was a little more translucent and the lights that coursed from the spinal cord outwards, were more prominent than before. His eyes were aglow with golden and blue lights in concentric circles. Even his hair seemed to be giving off light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily nudged Will’s arm and he looked to her in surprise. He could not help but stare at her for a few seconds to take in her appearance. She was wearing a simple dress that hugged her lithe body, accentuating the curves of her hips and thighs. Her long black hair was draped over one shoulder and loosely plaited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on, Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I just got back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s Luc,” said Emily, frowning slightly. “But he looks very different. What the hell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luc held up a hand and the others quietened down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My friends,” said Luc, his smile growing even wider. “The Shepherds have told me I am ready to pass on to the next Great Adventure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd began murmuring again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that mean?” Someone asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ready to Ascend,” said Luc. “They’ve explained it to me. This place is a kind of limbo. Soon, they’ll be coming here to take me to one of their cities. There will be a Ritual and I’ll Ascend to the next plane. They have a record of who I am now and they can use that to help me move on. That’s all it is! That’s the only reason they want to know who we are, because it helps attune the Ritual properly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sort of sigh ran through the crowd, followed by sounds of excitement and relief. Will, however, regarded Luc suspiciously. There was something not quite right. There was too much of a calmness and acceptance in Luc’s manner for Will’s liking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know some of you will be reluctant. I know how difficult it is,” said Luc, his eyes passing over the crowd. Will saw that Luc focused on him just a little longer than he did on the others. Luc carried on. “This is one of the hardest things we’ve had to do. So many of us have struggled, I know. We’ve had to expose the darkest and deepest and most flawed parts of ourselves. It’s not easy, but it is worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I’ve learned is, everything we’re burdened by in life is simply the human version of what the Shepherds call darkness and pain. This place is perfect for shedding it, and the Shepherds have perfected the process of helping us leave it behind. I feel so unburdened, and now I am truly dead. It’s time for my Rebirth. Now I understand, and I’m telling all of you, there is nothing to fear. There really isn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luc smiled wider. It looked almost inane to Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Orbs are the key. Give yourself to them, and they will give back clarity. They will give back the ability to let go. Once we shed our weights, we will rise,” Luc spread his palms hands out for emphasis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, he stood up and the crowd took a step back softly. He looked at everyone, nodded once to acknowledge their presence and then raised both hands as high as he could in supplication to the still air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A chaotic mess of auras appeared, merging into three different Shepherds, one of whom Will recognised as the tallest he had seen before. The one he often thought of as the Leader.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have said your goodbyes?” The Leader asked, facing Luc directly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am ready,” confirmed Luc, nodding lightly. He looked at the crowd again. “I hope to see you all in the next place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were a chorus of goodbyes and other noises that Will mostly ignored. He was too busy looking at the way Luc moved, less human now and a bit more like the Shepherds themselves. To the crowd, Luc may have looked the very essence of an enlightened man, but to Will, he looked like someone who had had some of his humanity stripped from him. He thought of the orb on the table and wondered how much of himself Luc had given away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Lead Shepherd turned and stretched out its arm. At the very tips of its fingers, the air blurred and within a few seconds there was a solid rectangle, taller than the Shepherds and wide enough to accommodate ten of them at once. The surface rippled and a view appeared of one of the cities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will and the other humans stared, full of awe as they finally saw glimpses of how large the buildings were. They could also see some of the populace; dozens of them either walking or softly levitating, all of their heads turned towards the human crowd. What little they could see of the buildings revealed them to have intricate patterning all over their surfaces. The colours were primarily white and gold, with effusive displays of light rippling here and there. They did not seem to be entirely solid from what Will could see; it seemed as though some of the lines would waver or bend. He could not, however, think upon it too long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Lead Shepherd walked through, followed by Luc and the other two. As they passed the threshold of the rectangular portal, several deep ripples spread out, causing the view to distort until the entire surface was a mess of light and shadow. Only a moment after the last of the aliens had gone through, the portal vanished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crowd breathed out loud in unison, and a discussion immediately struck up. Will could hear the excitement. He felt small. The glimpse of the city had the same effect on him the night sky had had when he was alive; a burgeoning feeling of insignificance that grew and grew until he was forced to think of something else to avoid the oncoming shuddering, breathless anxiety attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The city was burned bright into his eyes now, and he tried not to think of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was frowning slightly. “Let’s go for a walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will followed her, only turning back once to look at the crowd. Their excited faces made his body tense. He shuddered and kept walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you feeling okay, Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think about what just happened there?” Will asked. His voice was neutral and calm; the last thing he wanted to do was stand out for not being excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” said Emily, bluntly. “I wish I was excited but I wasn’t. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t let us see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s one of the things that bothers me, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… you know, the things he was saying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounded a little too strange to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily went quiet. She moved her head in a manner Will took to mean she was agreeing but not completely. “Will, do you think maybe you’re just not taking to this place the same way we are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… I’ve noticed, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve noticed that you seem a bit more resistant to everything here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fearing she had upset him, she carried on a little quicker. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. Maybe it’s just more difficult for you to kind of accept this is all happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s happening, Em. I’m here. I don’t have a choice about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not always the same, Will,” said Emily. “I remember when we found out my grandchild had a severe disability. It took months for it to sink in properly. All the changes we would have to go through. All the things we’d have to do to make life easier for him. All the things we’d miss out on, the things he’d never be capable of. It was traumatic. And you know, I didn’t think of it like this before, but let’s face it, so is the fact we’ve died. We’ve… we’ve left our entire world behind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely looked at her. He was distracted by his own thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. Go on, what were you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We died, Will. That’s traumatic. Maybe it’s just taking a longer time for you to process that. Trauma isn’t easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s the case, why were we so calm and accepting to begin with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily paused. She shrugged. “Maybe the shock?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I think that calmness was the place we were in. I think now that we’ve left it, the effects it had on us have worn off. Now that we’re here, and we’re being forced to look over our own lives, it’s causing some of us to feel the weight of what’s happened to us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not that different to what I’m saying. It doesn’t negate it, does it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will sighed. “No. It doesn’t. But it does mean there are influences on us right now that I don’t think we’re aware of or understand. And if that’s the case, how do we know any of it is good for us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe this is where you and I differ then. We don’t have a choice. We’re dead. What else is there to do but to go through this? And what you say about influence… I mean, Will, wasn’t that just life anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We lived on a planet with billions of people all vying for life in their own way. Clusters of people who exerted influence on one another in this stupidly wide sprawling net that got so complicated that no one could possibly ever follow any of it,” said Emily, stopping in place. Her hands spread out wide in the end, emphasising her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not argue with that. It reminded him of the lack of control he had often felt throughout his life. The same lack of control that had led him to the drugs and to lashing out at his friends and family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if Emily was right? What if everything he felt was just the result of the natural resistance he had to change? Ultimately, what could he do where he was? He was powerless again, in the face of forces utterly beyond his control or imagining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You saw Luc,” said Emily, gently. “He looked happy. He looked… what’s the word? Content. He looked content,” she said earnestly. “Don’t you want that, Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That elusive, utterly powerful state of being he’d been aware for all his life and never felt, except for those few times he had been with one of his lovers. He looked at Emily, suddenly struck by how she reminded him of that lover; her demeanour more than looks. Perhaps that was where some of the ease he had with her came from; a yearning for an earlier time where he was ensconced in a feeling of safety and comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will, I don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t. But he wasn’t wrong, was he? I’m having to face truths, too. Sometimes they ask the simplest questions, like they’re just recording a bunch of facts about our lives. It’s when they ask the other questions, the ones where we’re forced to confront ourselves, and makes us realise that we didn’t have the truth of it when we thought we did… that, I struggle with. And it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> difficult. But you saw him, didn’t you? He looked content.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he did,” admitted Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been a bit lost since the last time I had a Questioning,” said Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been thinking about everyone who died before me. I outlived a lot of people, Will. I thought I let some of them go, but I’m only now realising I’m doing that now. I don’t even know if I’ll ever see them again but I’m starting to find peace with that idea. And I like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People like who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, my husband, for one. He was a lovely man. A little out of step with the world but I liked that about him sometimes,” she said. Her voice and eyes had become wistful and distant. She blinked and focused on him, and smiled. “Did you have anyone like that in your life?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will shook his head. “No. Not for a long time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Will. You had a hard life, didn’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will cleared his throat, more for something to do than anything else. “Maybe. But a lot of that was my fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily reached out and softly brushed one of his locks of hair to the side. Her hand settled on his cheek. The moment it stilled, he closed his eyes and turned to it. It was entirely involuntary, and he was calm in that moment, wrapped up in all the warmth that spread from her fingers. It was enough to make her smile and make him incredibly self-conscious. His eyes snapped open and he was about to move away from her palm, when she pressed it against his cheek a little more, shaking her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was an honest movement, Will. Don’t run away from it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… It’s been a very long time since someone touched me like this,” he admitted in a quiet voice meant for secrets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” said Emily. He could see it in her gentle eyes, and he couldn’t fathom how, but she understood him more than he’d realised. “It’s all gone, Will. We left it behind. We’re here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. She lowered her hand, and he felt the absence keenly but said nothing about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He meant it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fifth Questioning began in an unusual way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first question Y asked was, “What did you think of what you witnessed, William Dormin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The readiness for Ascension.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luc? I found it a little disturbing,” said Will. “But… I could see he looked happy. He looked carefree and unbound. He looked like he’d left life behind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is the process. It is the goal,” said Y. “Did it appeal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only after I spoke to my friend about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, perhaps the Questionings shall pass easier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will’s jaw tightened as he thought about that statement. It certainly wasn’t going to pass easier if he had to think about his own life to that degree. However, Luc’s calm, poised face passed through his mind again and he suppressed the negativity the best he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe they will,” said Will. “What would you like to know this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mentioned previously that you had troubles with substances, with passion., and with love. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” said Will. “It’d be easy to say it was because of my parents and the way I was brought up and how difficult it was but ultimately, there’s a point… a point where you go beyond that and you start being responsible for yourself. As best as you can. Some people manage it, and some don’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You felt you didn’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did. Up to a point. I was clean for five years before I died. But I never found peace. I never let myself really understand myself, understand my anger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know how,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you not seek help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will felt a surge of irritation. Always the ‘why’. “Because I was too scared,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of… I don’t know. Of myself, maybe.” It was a struggle to say the words. ”Of finding things about myself I didn’t want to know. Things that were easily avoided.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this often a process your kind avoid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a process your kind even understands?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y stayed silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess that’s a no,” said Will. “It’s very easy to hide from yourself when you’re a person. There’s so many ways to do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is hiding necessary?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will’s mouth opened. And shut when he realised he had no answer to that. He frowned as he thought about it. Tentatively, he said, “Because it’s painful to know yourself sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Painful why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a disconnect between the person you think you should be and the person you really are. Or the person you really are and the person you show yourself to be to others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, it is the difference between a truth and a lie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More lights were absorbed by the orb. Will stared at it, trying to figure out if he felt lighter in some way, but he couldn’t tell. “Yes. But we don’t always know if we’re lying or not. It’s hard to be truthful because there’s just so much around us which makes it difficult.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, then how do you know, ultimately?” Y asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Will paused. The simple admission hit him harder than he expected. “That’s the most honest I can be. Maybe it depends on how you feel about yourself. Or how, whenever you move through the world, you feel within yourself. Whether there’s guilt… whether there’s a difficulty in knowing yourself. Or a difficulty in feeling comfortable with who you are. I really don’t know.” He felt like he’d just spoken a mess of words that made no sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked at Y’s face, noting how the different shapes were softly pulsing. He had not witnessed that before and he wondered what the change meant. The curiosity wasn’t strong enough for him to ask. He only wanted to leave and go back to Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me something, Y… when do you decide when one of us gets to move on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is decided dependent upon the individual. For some, the process takes very little and for others, it takes longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are the factors involved?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y tilted its head. “The severity of your energies, and how much of your darkness is shed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Energies? I want to know more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What would you like to know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything you can tell me. I want to know what you mean and why it matters,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every being in this world produces various energies. The severity depends on what they express, and what they do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what? What kind of actions? Expressions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything” said Y.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will frowned. He tried to figure out if he had just heard what he thought he had; a subtle shift in the tone of Y’s voice. An emotion where before there was neutrality. Try as he might, he could not define that shift. His best guess was the tone was something along the lines of; ‘It’s obvious, very obviously everything.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought of what Emily had said about moving around in her memories. The thought lingered. It grew more prominent, until it was too big to ignore and then... something </span>
  <em>
    <span>clicked</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Luc had spoken of shedding darkness and pain. The orbs in front of them literally took pieces of the humans into themselves. Emily had specifically stated the emotions in her memories were outside of her, that she could walk in and out of them. She meant it literally, he realised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y meant it literally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their emotions had energies that literally bled out of them. Every movement they made, everything they </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt</span>
  </em>
  <span> hooked onto the fabric of this reality and ran down like watery paint. Not just as a thing of the past, but as a series of energies that hung ghost-like in space itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked at his hand and felt as though he was seeing it for the first time. All those tiny lights. All those pulses radiating out from his spinal cord and his brain. All those auras that the aliens had around them; merging, breaking apart, flaring, allowing them to fly and teleport. All the streams of light emanating from the ships they flew. The way the buildings seemed to fade into and out of existence when he looked at them from afar. All of it; energy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing corporeal about this world; anything living had lost its form. In death, any essence of what was once living was now free to cascade wildly into the world around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m dead,” whispered Will. The weight of it was oppressive and yet, there was a change. A recognition that had been waiting for him to grasp it. “I don’t have a body anymore. Neither do you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y tilted its head. “You are nothing but light.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But lesser,” Will thought, not realising he had whispered it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But lesser,” agreed Y.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What makes me lesser?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y’s facial shapes pulsed wildly and stopped. There was a silence hanging in the air that made Will incredibly nervous. It grew heavier until Y raised its arm to the side and spread its fingers wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will watched as a window appeared above them both, one that looked through every conceivable layer of the building, all the way to the monstrous thing that inhabited the sky. It whirled around that infinite darkness in the middle. Before, the darkness had looked mostly circular to Will’s eyes, but now it had a solid spherical form that he should not have been able to discern given just how utterly black it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what you look upon?” Y asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will felt that familiar terror run through him. He had no heart and yet he felt it pounding. He had no pulse and yet he felt it hammering in his neck. He had no lungs and yet his breath was caught in his throat and would not release. He had no muscles and yet he sat, his fibres about to burst with tension. He had no brain nor hormones nor blood, and yet the fear he felt flooded him, an inky creature dominating his entire being, its tendrils and claws wrapped around and suffused through every inch of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I came out of,” said Will slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is The Source. It is our life-breath. It is our provider. What you see is darkness, yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is not dark to our eyes. It is beautiful,” said Y, and Will could hear the reverence in its voice. “It is a brightness that outshines all brightness within us and our world.  You cannot see The Source. You can only see its effects on its surroundings. We see The Source; we are higher. You do not see The Source; you are lesser.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y lowered his arm and the window closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a long time, Will sat there willing the terror to fade, but it would not. Y did not ask any questions, but rather seemed content to observe him, frozen in place and silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to go now,” said Will, his voice trembling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y nodded the once, and Will left.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. An Echo Of Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>An Echo Of Death</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>The Source seemed to follow him as he walked back. No longer just an ineffectual feature of the sky when it was out of sight, he could now feel its presence with every step. It felt like an eye now, ever-present and omniscient.  It could see not just him but all the other dead humans too, and it was watching closely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will sat on his bed, staring into space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if the revelation had changed him physically, he could see them now; little pieces of light hanging in the air with nowhere to go. They had always been there but he’d been blind. Everywhere he looked, he could see faint frozen ripples of his actions as he had moved through this world. He could see the feelings he had felt, in all their glorious patterns and chaotic beauty, ranging from concentric circles of happiness to chaotic strokes of anger and spirals of worry. When he looked down at his skin, he could see it had lost some of its opacity, and the lights that flowed through the layers were more prominent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was this what Luc had seen? That couldn’t be true because Luc had looked as though he was in a constant state of calm and contentment. Will seemed to veer wildly between that Source-induced terror and numbness. And even as he thought of that, he looked at the space around him, and could see the terror hanging out there, spiked, thick and dark. The numbness was just soft faint lines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, it would have been beautiful had he not been dead, or if he didn’t feel like he was unravelling slowly. Was this what it was like back home where he had been alive? Had he simply been too blind to see? Was humanity just walking around unseeing all this time?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>These were fruitless questions, he knew. It no longer mattered. He was dead and now he knew he was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Were his sisters mourning? Had they already mourned? Were they dead now? Was the Earth still spinning where he had left it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was determined to examine himself in the way the others had done; determined to feel the emotions of his past. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the sights and sounds of his life. Nothing came to mind and he growled with frustration. He tried again, trying to relax his body, and imagined that he was unfettered. For a long time, he sat still and felt his body sink into a strange kind of stupor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he opened his eyes, he was no longer on the bed, but the darkness. It was raining and the air smelled like petrichor. His feet were bare. He realised he was walking through wet grass. There were lights in the distance, and a night sky sprinkled with stars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a bracing sort of cold that kept him alert. He wore his normal clothes, a pair of jeans and a shirt, but they were dirty, stained with mud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew this place. He knew this night. It wasn’t until he saw a road in the distance and began to approach it that he knew where he was. It was the night he had died.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The area was rural and he recognised that he was just outside of the village near one of his sisters. He could not figure out why he was here, but there must’ve been a reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a tension tightening in his body with every step he took towards the road. When he looked to the side he could see a pair of headlights making their way along it. It was still very far away but he sped up, just in case. With that came the growing feeling of desperation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, that tension burst, and he felt every bit of it flooding his body; the deliberate and horrible urge to die. The sadness that had dogged him for the last few years had mutated into something far worse that had him in its grip. His steps slowly turned into staggering, and he kept looking to the side, to that approaching car. Its speed was easier to gauge now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he could only get to the road in time, he could end it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in the memory, the dead Will was watching all of this, suddenly afraid and horrified at the thoughts running through his remembered mind. Despite that, he stayed inside the memory, resisting the urge to leave. He didn’t know at first, but when he was a few steps away from the road, he realised he wanted to be sure he had chosen this. It didn’t matter that it was irrational to him, that it was already clawing at him with its heaviness and the horror was growing, so the dead Will felt himself drowning in the darkness that compelled him towards his death. There was a brief moment where the Will of memory looked behind him, and the dead Will could see a long and dark trail. The echoes of his depression imprinted on spacetime.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When his eyes were forward again, he was at the road. The car was coming, and with deliberation, he ran out in front of it. The headlights rushed at him, but it was nothing compared to the rush of fear and resignation and the thrill of the knowledge that he had finally done it. Then, his breath was knocked out of him, and there was darkness and pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will opened his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did not need to see the death that followed. He could remember now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was near his sister’s village so at least someone would have a chance of recognising him because there was no one left in his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a few deep breaths, he stared at the wall. The lights in his skin were pulsating, rushing more than usual. So now he knew the truth. He had killed himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was he meant to do with that knowledge? What was he meant to do with knowing that for all intents and purposes, he had chosen to die, to free himself from the pain of life?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will sighed and stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was there really anything to face anymore? His first urge was to seek out comfort. Not just from the pain of the memory and the knowledge he had actively killed himself, but from the presence of The Source above. And yet, he felt lighter. He could feel that some of the weight had shifted away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So many regrets. So many things that could have been different. He sat down again. For some time he thought about the emotions he had felt in the memory, all too aware that he may have ended himself violently, but it had worked. He no longer felt dragged down by the weight of the darkness in his mind. Now, there was a different kind of weight, and with it, there was scope of freeing himself further.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. An Echo Of Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>An Echo Of Life</b>
</h1>
<p>
  <span>He was lost in thought for a long time before Emily found him. She smiled upon seeing him and sat down next to him, her fingertips trailing over his forearm. Both watched the lights bounce through his skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were more than they had seen before and it did not go unnoticed. As soon as the lights faded, Emily looked at him and said, “You look different, Will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I think I do, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“In more ways than one,” said Emily, thoughtfully, looking at him closely. “God… I can see through your skin more. Just like Luc, except he was different. More translucent.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was true then, thought Will. He had not been imagining it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh… your eyes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about them?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily moved closer, narrowing her eyes as she stared right into his. “They’re a slightly different colour.  You’ve got flecks of gold and blue.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wonder what it means. I wonder why these changes,” Will wondered aloud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened, Will?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I remembered how I died.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily straightened, eyes flashing wide briefly. “You did? That’s huge. What happened? Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will had a vague frown on his face, an uncertainty about whether he really wanted to talk about it at that moment. But why hide?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I killed myself, Emily.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes went wide again, and she opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know,” said Will. “I don’t really know what to say, either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s… I’m so sorry, Will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to be sorry about, or sorry for,” said Will, shaking his head slowly. “I mean, it’s done now. It happened and it’s in the past. Just like you said, our lives have already passed by. We’re dead and we’re here now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“True. I just didn’t realise how much you’d suffered. So… it wasn’t a car accident, then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I got in front of that car deliberately,” Will clarified. “I don’t know how I was there, but I was wandering around in the dark. In the cold, near where one of my sisters lived. Just so that I could be sure I was identified properly when they found me. Isn’t that disgusting? Putting my sister through that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t thinking straight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even so. I can’t even imagine what she must’ve gone through when it was done with. The only solace I have at the moment, is that I didn’t have to witness any of her reactions. I don’t know if that makes me a coward or something, but…” He went silent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will, look at me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He did so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s done,” said Emily, with some finality. “It’s done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“… It’s done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Will nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You had your pain, wherever it came from. And now it’s gone. They had theirs and… that’ll go, if it hasn’t already.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The difference is that I caused some of their pain.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily nodded. “Yeah. It’s horrible, I know. But I told you, you weren’t thinking straight. And you know what, Will? None of us are perfect. You know that. It’s a fucking painful lesson to know but it is what it is. One day they’ll be freed from their lives just like we were and it’ll be a memory.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honey, I know that isn’t helpful. It might not be what you even want to hear. But it’s done. All you can do is move forward. All any of us can do here is move forward. At least you’ve acknowledged it. At least you remember now and at least you’re confronting yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her words were not comforting, but they were true. All he could do was try to accept it. It was all that was left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Emily.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome. I’m right here, Will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She paused and gave him a pensive look. “You know, you’ve been sitting here and thinking about this for who knows how long. I’d like you to do something for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Find a memory where you and your sisters were happy and immerse yourself in it. Tell me about it while you do that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re serious?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“From the sounds of it, you’ve just been slowly spiralling around darkness since you’ve been here. I think you owe it to yourself to revolve around something that shines instead,” said Emily, with a resolute tone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You might have a point,” conceded Will.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do have a point. I’m always right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me. Go on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would not have done it if not for Emily, he realised. He wanted to indulge her, and perhaps she had a point. There was nothing wrong with trying to find a gentler focus. He closed his eyes and let himself sink again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had read once that it was harder for a depressed person to think of a good memory. The brain had a tendency to recall things dependent on mood, and therefore it was easier for the depressed person to remember something depressing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will had spent a substantial amount of his life with that overcast feeling blanketing him. Nevertheless, for Emily, he tried his best.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He flew into his own past, flashes of memory passing as he let them flow. The fields of his mind were rotted crops and dead wood, but here and there, amongst all the detritus, was shimmering gold. Some of it was a trick, he thought. Memories that felt good at the time only to be exposed as something with dark undertones because he did not realise his mother and father had been manipulating him. Or because their words may have seemed kind but when he was older, he’d come to understand they were anything but. Those memories were fool’s gold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There were the rarer moments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sun racing across the sky while he played amongst the flowers, chasing his sisters back and forth in a childish game. His sisters’ kindness when he was hurt because he had fallen over, like children did, and the world seemed to be ending because they didn’t know any better, and had no idea of how monstrous things could really be. The jangling tones of a music box they were fascinated by because a figurine revolved on the spot and she was so beautiful, they couldn’t look away. His protectiveness when his sisters were old enough to date and had brought home boys, and even if they had shown him exasperation at the time, later they would admit they felt safe knowing he felt like a guardian. There was a brief darkness when he realised he’d failed them. But still, he tried to search.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me, Will,” he heard Emily’s voice from far away. “What do you see?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s silly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s so simple, though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The best things sometimes are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re just… sitting at the dining table. It’s in the living room. There’s the bookshelves covering one wall to the side. The sliding doors on the other side, where it opens out into the garden. It’s dark outside and one of the floodlights is on, and the grass is that weird bright colour you get when there’s artificial light all over it. There’s a clothesline on the lawn and every time the floodlight is on, it’ll be half lit, with all the clothes flapping away on it. It makes all these weird shadows. When we were kids and we’d see that, we’d pretend it was some kind of weird, fucked up alien thing just waiting for one of us to get near enough so it could grab us and take us away. I think sometimes we wished it’d do it anyway so we wouldn’t have to be at home. But the night I’m seeing now, that’s not even a concern. Our parents are gone for a few days. There’s clutter covering half the floor. All we’ve been doing while our parents are away is just play different board games and right now we’re all sitting around the dining table doing a really dumb huge puzzle that we’re never going to finish but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is we’re sitting there and talking to each other and everything is okay with the world for once.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His voice was wistful and light, his words were soft and drawn out and his smile was interminable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds like a lovely memory, Will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s one of my favourites. I’d forgotten about that night,” said Will, slowly opening his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily sat watching him, her smile hovering at the corners of her mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Em.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank yourself. You still have all of that inside. And there’s no shame in remembering it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, I’d like to just sit with you,” said Emily. “And maybe we can share some more memories. Happy ones. “</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I can manage that,” said Will, feeling a surge of warmth at her proximity. It was pleasant. A sensation he was unused to and for once, not a pleasure borne of things that were poison to his body. Smiling, he settled with his back against the wall, beckoning for her to do the same. She immediately put her head on his shoulder when she joined him, and they talked for a long time, sharing their stories as though they were fuel for the growing flame of attraction between them.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The City</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>The City</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>Several more of the humans were ready for the Ritual sooner than Will had expected. He watched with fascination as some of them left, in groups of two or three.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now there were less than thirty of the group left. Every time those who were ready for the Ritual left, they showed the same anticipation and contentment Luc had shown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not a great surprise to Will. He had to admit he felt lighter in general, though he sometimes wondered if that had more to do with shedding some of the weight of life from himself, or more to do with spending time with Emily and her effect on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not deny he was attracted to her. The memory of her naked body still lingered even though he had not seen it for some time. Nonetheless, her dresses often revealed enough to keep the vision of her smooth, pale skin alive. The hips and thighs were always prominent features that drew his eyes often. Moreover, it was the person she was, the way she was comfortably warm with him that made his attraction more intense than her looks could. He hoped it was the same for her, but he was not willing to share his feelings in case he had it wrong. Too often, he couldn’t help but remember she had more life experience and had an open, honest demeanour that he suspected she had exhibited while alive. And she had lived a longer life and was clearly more emotionally mature. She had been married and loved longer than he could even imagine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes he felt like a curiosity to her, but he had to remind himself that was his own insecurity at play.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew eventually he would tell her how he saw her, and how he felt. It was becoming clear that they, too, would leave this world one day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had once asked Y whether any of the humans would see each other after moving onto the next stage, but Y had simply ignored the question. Even when Will had asked again, the question was politely rebuffed, and Y asked one of its own. There was a secret there. Will was sure of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it was announced that two more of the group would likely be leaving soon, Will decided he wanted to watch the Ritual. When he brought it up with Y, he was told it was not possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not accept that answer, so he decided he would attempt to watch it anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, what could Y do? What could any of the Shepherds do? Yes, they were powerful, but they were not always present. There had to be a way he could get to the cities, or wherever it was the Ritual took place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he told Emily, she immediately asked, “How are you going to watch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t even know where it takes place.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… then, how are you going to try and figure this out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will shrugged. “I was thinking… we could go walkabout. Or I could, if you don’t want to come with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walkabout? You mean leave this building?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And go where? One of the cities?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily looked at him, worried and uncertain. “Will, they said the world out there is dangerous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we don’t know that for sure, do we?” Will pointed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to see. I feel different now and I have different eyes,” said Will, his voice carrying a tone that would brook no dissuasion. “Even if I don’t learn anything, I’d like to go outside and see what it’s like there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if it is dangerous out there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will paused and thought about it. “Well… I’m already dead. I’m not sure what dangers could possibly exist for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pain? Uh… what if you end up disappearing or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair points,” conceded Will. “But… I’ve been in pain before. And as for disappearing… I don’t know. If it happens, it happens. I just need to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew Emily could see he was going to go, no matter what she said, no matter how much she worried. “Fine,” said Emily. “I’m going with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That might not be a good idea,” said Will. “What if there </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> dangers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, maybe it’s better there’s two of us instead of just you. Maybe one of us can call for help or just help the other to stop them from being hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… fine. Okay. You realise we don’t know anything about what’s out there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And? That won’t stop you from going. So, you might as well let me come with you. You can’t stop me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will couldn’t argue with that. “Let’s go, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They travelled through the building until they finally saw the double doors leading outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here, Will. You really want to do this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to know,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. Will you tell me if you see anything different?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked out slowly, all too aware of those warnings they could remember from the Shepherds. The moment they crossed the threshold, the building behind them became strange and glassy, translucent edges and walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d almost forgotten it turns invisible,” whispered Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t see it anymore?” Will asked with surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can still see it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… hard to explain. I can see some outlines and edges, but not the whole thing. I know something’s there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about everywhere else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked around. With his new eyes, there was no doubt things were different now. How could he convey the difference to her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no more nothingness. The darkness itself was no longer real darkness, but a strange collection of different patterns and clusters of odd barely seen forms just hanging in the air in the same way the imprints of his emotions and actions did. These forms had a different feeling, however, and it took him a moment to realise why that was; the imprints he had seen before were a result of his own energies in this world. The imprints outside of the building were a result of the energies emanating from the Shepherds. They were far bigger, and when Will looked closely, he could see they were still moving, albeit very, very slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chanced a look upwards at The Source and his eyes widened in shock. The core was no longer an infinite black; there were now soft, slow, and faint streaks of light moving over its surface, showing its spherical form more clearly. It still scared him, but it was the kind of fear that felt known and familiar, rather than the terror of the unknown. He realised he was seeing a glimpse of the true nature of The Source.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was probably nowhere near as powerful as it was to the Shepherds, given how Y had described its presence, but it was a significant enough difference that it was proof he had changed far beyond expectation. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you look at it for that long, Will? It still scares the shit out of me,” murmured Emily, making it a point not to raise her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t scare me so much anymore. It looks different to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Different how?” Her voice held a lot of fascination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can see little slow lights moving around on the surface.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The black part?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This way,” said Will, looking down again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s subtle differences in some of the air… I don’t know how to explain it. I just know this way is where we want to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led her through the imprints of experiences he could not even begin to interpret. His own imprints were instinctively obvious to him, perhaps because they were all too human, but these ones were so alien, it felt like he was looking at abstract art. Now and then he would stop to stare at the Shepherd imprints of energy, and he could see little turns and distortions to some of the edges, all skewing towards a certain direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed that direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The city was upon them far earlier than it should’ve been. They stopped, breathless and silent as they looked on several faint lines of light. There were so many that he felt as though he was looking into some kind of infinity mirror where things were layered upon themselves and there was no end to any of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did we get here so quick?” Emily whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was never far away to begin with. An illusion. They’re good at illusions, I think. Have you ever noticed that? Everything feels far and endless but… I don’t think it actually is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do we do now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked around. Contrary to what they had seen through the rectangular portal, the city seemed to be empty. There was an eeriness to the entire place punctuated by the fact there was no sound whatsoever. He began to walk into it, followed by Emily. There was an ethereal beauty to it from certain angles; from others it looked like a mess of lines made by an angry artist. The faint edges had enough of a glow that it was easy to avoid going near any of the buildings themselves. There was a road, of sorts, not really marked out but more suggested because it was in the middle of two rows of buildings. There were curved paths and tiny structures on the sides, and eventually, as they walked deeper into the city, there were pathways floating above, extending from building to building, or curving around some of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just realised something, Will,” whispered Emily, hushed by the alienation of being in such a foreign place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are these buildings for? What do they even do here? The one who Questions me told me they’re unchanging. What, if anything, does an unchanging species do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Species. He hadn’t thought of them like that before, he realised. They were a different species. Non-human. One of the dead back in the grand hall had referred to them as angels, despite being told those concepts did not apply here. Will had rolled his eyes, remembering the biblical depictions of angels he had read about as a child and been fascinated by; the strangeness of them. It wasn’t too surprising to see the label applied to Shepherds, especially when the auras emanating from their backs sometimes looked vaguely like wings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will! Look!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked towards where Emily was pointing. There, on a platform wide enough to accommodate a two-storey semi-detached house, were moving forms. They were humanoid and ranging from three to six feet tall. At first, Will thought it might’ve been a few of the Shepherds but the closer they got, he knew he was wrong. They approached the platform slowly before stopping a little distance away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will, they’re human.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The forms were humans. Golden in colour, see-through and very much reminded him of holograms. They were behaving as though they were talking to one another, but no sound came out. A couple of the forms were sitting, and one was gesticulating wildly. Another two stood and watched the entire scene.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked around. There were still no Shepherds. He shrugged to himself and walked right up to the platform. Without realising it, he passed through some threshold that was five metres out from the edge of the platform, and suddenly there was sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The holographic forms were more detailed now, right down to his being able to see distinct faces and expressions. The detail was striking. The two sitting forms were teenagers, the standing ones were adults, except for two children watching from the edges. It was an argument. The teenagers had done something to upset the adults and were being reprimanded while the little ones looked on with amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus,” said Emily, next to him. “It’s like… a scene from a movie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” agreed Will. “But it’s not made up, is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All those questions we’ve been asked. Details of who we are, memories of events in our lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily gasped softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re playing a moment from someone’s life,” said Will, focusing on the embarrassment of the teenagers. The adults were shouting something about a lack of responsibility, about how thoughtless the children were.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” said Will. “This is so…” He trailed off, trying to think of the right word to describe the scene.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mundane?” Emily suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They watched for a few moments more before Will decided to move on. They walked down the path until Will spotted another platform. They approached that one. There was only one form in that scene. It was a middle-aged woman sitting in an armchair, her legs drawn up with her arm hugging them and her free hand holding a bottle of alcohol. She was sobbing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will and Emily exchanged glances, seeing their discomfort with the scene reflected in each other. They could not stay there long. There was another platform a short while ahead. That one had a couple. Two half naked women screaming at each other about disappointments and infidelities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they moved out of range enough that the sound cut off and the women became faint and hard to see, Emily frowned and said, “How many of these are there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the same question lingering in Will’s mind. Very calmly, he stood still, slowly sweeping his gaze over the area around him, including above, near the walkways and outside of the buildings. There were smaller platforms, he realised. Some were attached to some of the buildings, jutting out of the sides. There were platforms near walkways. And if he looked long and carefully enough, he could see more faint forms moving around on them. He started walking, looking around as he went. There were more. Always more. He stopped counting at thirty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will, there are so many.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re all moments from lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t understand why,” said Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he stopped at another platform, where a scene played out of a family crowded around a dying old man, he realised they all had something in common.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emily, they’re all sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re all scenes of sadness. Strong emotions on the negative side. I haven’t seen a single happy moment in any of what we’ve seen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right. Maybe… maybe they’re sad because they’re what we’ve been shedding in the Questionings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Will asked, turning to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily went quiet, a deeply thoughtful expression on her face. “Luc,” she said eventually. “He was content. Calm. Happy. Nothing sad or anxious or worried or anything like that. Maybe they literally took all of that from him, or he somehow shed it into those orbs we speak near. And maybe they’re using those to create these scenes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a pretty good guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t get why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they’re all strong emotions. They’re the ones that linger and they’re always the ones that feel like they’re going to last forever. It’s much harder to focus on happiness and think of it as long-lasting. But whenever you’re sad, especially if you’re used to it and it’s around a lot, it can feel like forever. Stretches time out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re implying that all the dead we came with are all… Wait,” Emily stopped. She held her arm up halfway as if she were trying to literally grasp her thoughts. “You said you killed yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” Will frowned, wondering why she was bringing it up. “And?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I died of cancer. It was a long illness. Suffered a lot. A slow death is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Luc… if I remember right, he died by drowning. Two of the others who have gone now, one of them was stabbed and the other was killed during an armed robbery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… horrible deaths. Is that what you’re saying?” Will’s eyes narrowed at the thought of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Violent deaths. And long-drawn-out illnesses. A lot of sadness. What do you think the chances are that when we go back and ask the people who are left, that not one of them had a natural death from old age?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both silent, letting her words sink in. Standing there and thinking about her words yielded nothing. His normally overactive brain had nothing to take hold of and nothing to offer him in the way of insight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will shook his head. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe this is just how the Ritual works. Everyone has to shed their sadness and then once all that is left is the happiness, and the good feelings, and the contentment and all that stuff, they’re able to move on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” said Will, unsure of whether he agreed. “I’d believe that if I could see the Ritual itself. But this entire place is empty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to keep exploring?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked slowly. Every time they saw a platform with holograms nearby, they would stop to watch for a few moments, and every time they did, Emily’s hypothesis gathered evidence weighted in its favour. There were scenes of arguments, people suffering from illnesses, people witnessing death, people mourning, and many scenes of people alone and struggling with their personal demons. It wasn’t long before Will and Emily decided they no longer wanted to watch any more of them because it was beginning to affect their moods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a result, it meant they could move more quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither Will nor Emily were sure when the trembles in the ground started. It grew more pronounced and made them stop and look at one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feel that, right?” Will asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked around. It was Will who saw it first; an odd, tall shape in between buildings. It was moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hide,” said Will. His voice had dropped and the change in it made her pay attention immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They ran towards a short, small building and went around the corner. Carefully, they peeked out from behind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck is that?” Emily whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just about stopped herself from exclaiming out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He understood. The shock was palpable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart hammered as he watched the giant creature moving slowly. He tried to focus as much as he could to commit the form to memory, because much like the buildings, it had some vague outlines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a long dark body, at least sixty feet long, and the limbs attached to it were many. Will could count a solid eight from a glance, but there were hints at more. On one end was a short tail, swaying side to side slowly, and on the other end, was a head of sorts. It was elongated, mouthless and cluttered with shapes just like the aliens. The arms and legs had unusual joints which made them look badly drawn. They only made sense once they watched the creature sit, at which point the lower four limbs created a sort of shallow bowl in front of it, while the torso was near vertical, leaning over the lower limbs. Its arms, if they could be called that, were free to move around, though the lower pair touched the ground with their excessively fingered hands, to keep the creature stable. Will guessed those arms were almost as long as the torso. The other pair of arms crossed in front.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The creature sat there, its head slowly turning from side to side. The head was pulsating slightly, and there were small tubular forms protruding from almost every gap between the facial shapes. The tubes on its scalp and the back of the head were thicker and longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will wondered if it was looking for something in particular. Then he saw the centre of the torso. There was a deep indent in the body itself, and from it ran several faint glowing lines spreading out into the rest of the torso, like the spokes of a wheel. It was the hollow that kept his attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Em?” Will whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at its torso. The middle of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? What—Oh. Am I really seeing that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not just imagining it, am I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s shaped like a human being with its legs and arms slightly spread out,” whispered Will, his disbelief deeply apparent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ground trembled a little as the creature got back onto all eight limbs and continued to lumber down the wide avenue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s follow it,” said Will.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Ritual</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>The Ritual</b>
</h1>
<p>
  <span>It took some effort to keep up with the creature unseen and by the time it slowed, Will was thankful that he could not end up breathless or suffer any stitches. Behind him, Emily kept pace, occasionally letting out a curse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They rounded a corner and quickly backpedaled when they saw the view.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It appeared they were in the middle of the city. The buildings stopped where they were and they could see a great circular space with a colossal structure, wider at the base, tapering to heights unseen as it faded into the sky. It looked to Will’s eyes as though it was directly underneath the centre of The Source.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The structure was gorgeous. It was white and gold with smooth surfaces. Draped around it and going up in a helix, was something resembling a cluster of glowing cables intermingled like a braid, but far more complex. Will’s eyes could not follow which parts wrapped around which other parts. What he could see were smaller braids of cables peeling off the main braid and fading into nothingness. Will suspected they were joined to something unseen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Near the top of the central structure were more braided cables spreading outwards like a web stretching as far as the eye could see. From those braids, long, thick single cables hung at seemingly random spots, disappearing into the mess of the city. When Will looked closely at one of them, quite some way from the centre, he realised it hung directly over one of the platforms where holograms performed the minutiae of human life. He guessed that the structure was perhaps some sort of power station.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The surface of the structure began to glow moderately strong as the creature stopped in front of it. It sat down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a while, nothing happened and neither Will and Emily were sure what to do. Will began to entertain thoughts of leaving, but the thought was eradicated when the air began to shimmer around the central structure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, the Shepherds began to appear in clusters. Dozens of them at the base near the creature and around the structure itself. All of them faced the centre. Will looked around to see there were some that had appeared above buildings, near some of the hologram platforms, and some hovered isolated in the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Every one of the Shepherds had their auras fully on display, their arms folded in front, and the auras from their backs flaring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt tense as he stood there, and clearly so did Emily; she clutched his arm tightly and pulled at him. He looked at her and saw the worry plastered on her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if they see us?” Emily whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will looked around. None of the Shepherds seemed to know they were there; they were all too focused on the central structure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think that’s an issue,” Will whispered in reply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily’s grip loosened. Now that it was relaxed, Will decided he rather liked having her holding onto him. She said nothing else and turned back to watch the proceedings.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A rectangular portal appeared in a small clearing in the crowd near the base of the giant structure and out stepped two of the humans, one female and one male, and the ten-foot-tall Lead Shepherd.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Lead Shepherd rose in the air and its auras began to pulsate wildly in time to the pulses on its facial shapes. It was showing excitement, thought Will. All Shepherd faces turned to the Leader. Strands of soft light appeared on the great creature’s body, stretching its entire length.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are here again,” came the booming voice of the Lead Shepherd, far louder than Will had ever heard it before. He felt Emily’s grip tighten a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Ritual begins anew. We have our new offerings. They will Ascend like the ones before.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A humming sound began, low-pitched and low in volume. Will looked around for the source of the sound before his eyes settled on a few Shepherds nearby. The pulses of their auras had changed in rhythm and he saw their bodies were partially shimmering, as though he was seeing them reflected on the surface of a lake. Upon looking at all the others, it was clear the humming was coming from them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The creature shifted again, turning a little to the side, two of its arms keeping it stable. The folded legs began to pulse with their own light.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The preparations are nearly complete,” said the Leader, its head lowering to look down at the humans. It slowly descended until it was hovering a few feet away from them. “Are you both ready?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The humans nodded eagerly. Will could not see their faces, but he imagined they were both smiling the way Luc had.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember, we are grateful for your sacrifices,” said the Leader.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will frowned and looked at Emily. She was frowning too, more from confusion than anything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sacrifices? What does it mean?” Emily asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We thank The Source for bringing your kind to us,” said the Leader. “Please, hear our stories before you submit to the Ascension.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The humans nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Once, we were worse than your kind. We were crawlers without body nor light. We slunk low and hid from the very light that existed before The Source, as wan as it was. There was no Golden City, nor was there the Converter,” said the Leader, gesturing to the giant creature. It was apparently interested in something else entirely, as it looked around beyond the crowd. “And yet we persisted. Then, the light began to fade. We did not know what we were, only that the darkness was coming and our potential was not realised. We had nothing, were nothing, knew nothing, and we wasted away.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The humming grew louder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then The Source appeared. It spoke to us in its own tongue. We could not understand, but it did not matter. We were drawn to it. Its light bathed us in warmth and understanding and kindness. It reached out and we allowed its embrace to take us slowly. Many of us believed it was insidious, but they were vanquished for the unbelievers they were. So they were.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So they were,” came the reply from the other Shepherds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were left,” said the Leader, gesturing to the other Shepherds. “And we immersed ourselves. Its embrace fuelled us. We began to change, to grow and attain these forms. But moreover, The Source gave us more than we could ever imagine. It gave us your kind. It gave us your dead. It gave us your memories and your energies. Oh, your light. How we crave it now, its abundance and its power. Oh, your light, stripped from you and given to us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will was surprised to hear emotion in the Leader’s voice, matched by the humming taking on a tone of urgency. The humans looked restless, shifting weight from foot to foot. There was a subtle sizzle in the air around Will and Emily. He looked up and saw tiny sparks appearing in mid-air, in a wide sphere around the structure large enough to encompass the crowd.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Converter waits,” said the Leader. “Oh, your light, stripped from you and given to us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Given to us,” murmured the others in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was something very wrong here. Will did not like those choice of words at all. It was the darkness that had been stripped from the humans, had it not? He felt an uncomfortable tingle travel down his back and his breathing hitched a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This feels wrong, Will,” whispered Emily, her fingernails digging into his skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Far above, several of the Shepherds floated near the creature, that he now knew to be the Converter. They hovered between the Converter and a braid of cables descended out over it. The Shepherds took hold of the cables and attached them to the Converter’s head, into those tubular structures Will had noticed earlier. Some were attached to its sides, upper arms and its back. The Shepherds floated back to their original positions, while the Converter was suddenly still, its face focused on the humans in front.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are ready,” said the Leader.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The humming intensified, loud enough that Will had trouble thinking. It sounded like a chorus of electric voices.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ascend now,” whispered the Leader, but it was a whisper that reverberated throughout the air and gave Will goosebumps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was only then that Will realised the humans had been witnessing something he and Emily couldn’t. The male suddenly began to run away from the Converter. None of the Shepherds moved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was the Converter who reacted. The upper pair of its arms reached out and grabbed both humans with all the grace of a cat, and it held them up. The humans were struggling. Will could barely see their faces but his mind went wild imagining the contorted expressions of pain and fear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Converter’s body pulsed gold once, twice and three times. With a detached coldness it pressed the male into its torso, embedding him into the hollow. When its arm moved away, Will could see he had been inserted face inward. His body was utterly still as the flesh of the Converter slowly moved over it, not enough to cover it completely, but just enough to keep it locked in place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Will and Emily watched with mouths and eyes wide open, as the Converter went rigid, its arms contorting at odd angles. The woman it held was still struggling and screaming, but the focus was on the torso. The man it had embedded into itself was glowing a blinding white; he looked like a badly drawn negative silhouette of a naked human form. The ground trembled and the air around the Converter shimmered in waves radiating outwards.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The lines that ran from the hollow all lit up like a string of lights, the energy flowing outwards into the Converter’s body. A moment later, the cables attached to its body did the same, pulses of energy travelling outwards towards the central structure. A scream rose from nowhere. It reminded Will of the scream he had heard when he’d seen people shoot out of The Source.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time it came from the man inside the Converter. They all heard it; a primal scream of fear and agony that grew ever louder and cut through everything, even the humming. Will could not have said how long it went on for, only that every minute he listened to it, the world around him seemed to stretch on and on. His own body was shaking, not just from the movement of the ground, but from a visceral reaction to the scream itself. He could barely breathe and despite its absence, his mind could feel his heart threatening to hammer out of his chest. He could feel the scream searing itself into his body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily’s fingers gripped tighter and tighter. He looked to see her face was locked into a grimace, teeth bared and jammed together. Neither of them could move, even when they tried. Not until the scream died down and the lights faded, and the Converter shook its head as if waking up from a reverie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the humming faded along with the rest, the frightened screaming of the woman was heard again. Not a single one of the Shepherd paid her any attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Converter reached into its hollow and pulled out the remnants of the drained man, all of which faded into sparkling motes as soon as they were released from the torso. Will and Emily watched the remnants spread out, fading like sparks from a fire. There was nothing left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily let out an explosive breath. She was crying silently. He reached over and wiped away a tear. He wished he had something to say to help her feel better but anything good about this world had disappeared on seeing the Ritual.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The look she had in her eyes was naked terror and it hurt him to see it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took her hand and held it tight, as he turned to look at the Converter. There was a silence in the air broken by the occasional crackle of energy around the great creature. Even the woman had stopped screaming. She was staring wide eyed at the air where the last pieces of the man had gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The central structure was glowing wildly, wisps of white energy rolling off like liquid smoke. The brightness of the cables waxed and waned, and even the buildings around them were more opaque. The power the Converter had taken had made everything more solid.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We need to get out of here,” said Will, quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where will we go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. But right now, we need to get out of the city.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The humming began again, softer this time. Will’s head jerked up to look at the Shepherds. They were different, he thought. Their auras were more extensive, their arms longer and their postures more upright, even those who were suspended in mid-air. They spread their arms again. So shocked was the woman, that she barely moved nor made a noise as the Converter pressed her into its torso.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now,” said Will. “Let’s go.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The Final Questioning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>The Final Questioning</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>They snuck away quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything felt surreal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they walked away, the city, even with its emptiness, felt far more oppressive than before. Will and Emily were both subdued and barely spoke as they began to move faster the further they got from the central structure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once she felt like she could speak, Emily asked, “What are we going to do, Will?” Her voice was shaky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t go back to the building.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M-maybe there’s another place. S-some place they don’t go, o-or they’d never find us,” suggested Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will wanted to believe that, but he could not. He said nothing. He led Emily to the outskirts of the city. Along the way, looking at the platforms made him feel sick. How many of those holograms were people who had gone through the Ritual?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt as though he had been given new eyes again, and this time, instead of letting him see more, they felt like his old eyes; the kind that had made the world drab greys and blues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will? What are you thinking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slowed. “I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, what do you think? Do you think there’s somewhere?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will could hear that need for agreement and reassurance in her voice. He stopped and looked at her. Worried about how she’d react, he shook his head. “I don’t know. But I have a hard time believing there is. This is their world and they’re far more powerful than we are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily’s shoulders slumped a little. She nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But maybe we can avoid ever being part of the Ritual. It’s like you said, maybe it’s just dependent on how much of our darkness we shed. You know, maybe we need to be in a certain state of mind to be able to take part, and if we avoid that then they can’t do anything to us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re right,” she said in a small voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me, too,” whispered Will to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were out in the empty plains when they finally stopped. In the distance, the Golden City was more visible now, but because he knew the surge of power it had experienced had done that, he had no desire to look at it. The beauty of it had gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which way is the building?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked around. There in the distance, he could see faint outlines. He pointed to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, we avoid going in that direction then,” said Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The problem is, wherever else we go, there’s a city,” pointed out Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, but they can’t all be the same, right? Maybe if we go to one of the others and go through it to the other side? Leave from there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s worth trying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s unlikely we’ll get anywhere, but who knows?” Emily sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will started walking with Emily in tow. He made a concerted effort to keep the building to one side and focus on the horizon. They travelled for a long time, but even so, they reached the outskirts of the far city quicker than should have been possible. Before, Will had seen this as a fluke, but it was clear now the physical distances in this world did not correlate to what was seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They approached the city carefully, keeping an eye out for any of the Shepherds. None appeared. They began to walk through, but very quickly, they realised something was wrong. They found one of those hologram platforms and approached it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the same scene,” said Will, watching the adults berating the teenagers on the sofa. “It is, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” confirmed Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell? Are we in the same place?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you got turned around on the way here?” Emily suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will sighed. He shook his head. “No. I know I didn’t. I kept the building on the same side the entire time. Let’s keep going. Maybe this is just some trick or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not. Every platform with the holograms they had seen before was here. It was either the same Golden City, or a replica.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came to the central structure again and it was empty this time. There, on the ground was a faint outline of where the Converter had sat, along with a few burn marks. Will looked at the central structure and tried to compare it to the memory he had of the one he’d seen in the Ritual. There was no difference that he could discern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this is the same,” Emily said. She was looking around nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s keep walking to the other side,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the city was the same. Vague roads and buildings, walkways, and those platforms with holographic scenes, except these were all new. He took it as a sign they were in new territory. When they reached the outskirts without an encounter, they both breathed a sigh of relief and kept going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not long before Will stopped and growled in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Building right there. Looks identical to the one we’ve been staying in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It might not be. Maybe we should look inside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And risk them seeing us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what else to suggest, Will,” Emily sounded slightly exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wait out here, I’ll go in and look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Emily. I don’t want you to get caught if I can help it. We haven’t encountered them out here. They only ever appear in the cities or our dorms.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t like the idea, but she nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t be long,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will walked up to the building and stopped at the entrance. It certainly looked the same as the one he’d been living in. He entered and began to walk through the corridors, and It wasn’t long before he realised the layout inside was identical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt more confident when he encountered no one and began to jog. Before long, he was in the main hall. There were a few humans there, sitting around and chatting. One was playing the piano. Some of them glanced at him when he entered and he stood frozen in place, staring in disbelief. He recognised every one of them. He let out a shuddering sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One of the men called out to him, beckoning him to join them but Will ignored him. He wasn’t going to stay here if he could help it. He left the hall and headed towards the exit. He did not make it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran around a corner and almost collided with Y.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, William Dormin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y,” said Will, willing himself not to react in any way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is fortuitous I have come across you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is time for another Questioning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y tilted its head. “There is something unusual about you. Is something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I just… wasn’t expecting another Questioning right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever expect them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… No. I suppose not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will thought of Emily and tried desperately to think of an excuse to leave. “Is there any way we can leave this for another time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y was silent for a few beats, before it said, “Is there a reason?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just… I don’t know if I can stomach delving into my psyche right now. Not quite in the mood, you know? But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> been thinking about things. I’m sure our next session will be interesting to you.” He wasn’t sure whether to add that last bit, but why not? It couldn’t hurt to dangle the idea of a future in which he was happy to talk to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y was having none of it. “If you are worried about your friend, there is no need to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe her name is Emily Whittaker. She is back in the building, where she belongs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will stared. His blood ran cold and then he felt a roll of anger building up, but he suppressed it. “She was outside of the building?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was. But you knew that, did you not? You know by now, surely, there is no point in lying to us? You and she went to the Golden City. You watched the Ritual, we see,” said Y, tilting its head. Will hated that head-tilt. “What did you think?” Y asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We knew. We allowed your observation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will’s anger spread through his body, tensing him until it burst. His face twisted into a visage of fury. “That was fucking inhuman.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y nodded. “Yes. For humans, we are not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you allow that to happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allow what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Ritual. The death. Didn’t you hear him? Didn’t you hear those screams?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y nodded. “Yes. It is part of the Ritual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re fine with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems the Ritual is painful. That is what the screams indicate, no?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you fucking understand? Nothing about this is okay. You lied. You said it was an Ascension. You said people from here move on to somewhere else. Somewhere better! All we’ve heard is that’s the point of the fucking Ritual!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you to say that is not the truth?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked at Y, disturbed at the otherworldly calm with which he was faced. Nothing he could think of saying or doing would come out properly because he knew it would be ineffectual. That was the worst of it. To Y, it was simply a process; to Will, he had seen a horror he could never have imagined in all his years of being alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are your thoughts, William Dormin?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you care? I’m not going through with this. Fuck you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will ran.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world around him shifted and suddenly he was in the interview room, with the familiar table and chair and Y standing there, impassive and lucid. Will ran again, and again the world shifted, and the same scene played out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rounded on Y and prepared to punch it, but his arm disappeared and reappeared hanging at his side. When he tried again, the same happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“William Dormin, do you not realise by now? Whatever you observe, it is because we allow it. Whatever you learn, it is because we allow it. Whatever actions you take, it is because we allow it. You have no power here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will’s eyes widened as the truth of that hit him. He staggered back in defeat and ended up against the wall. A wave of nausea hit him and he doubled over breathing hard, hands on his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must have questions,” said Y.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have plenty of questions,” said Will, looking up slowly. “I don’t know if I want to know the answers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More hiding?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… you just don’t understand. Do you have any idea how harrowing that was for me to watch?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y walked over to its chair and sat down. “Tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will glanced at the doorway and the absurd impulse to run hit him yet again. “I think I’ll stay here, thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever makes you comfortable. I am curious to know your thoughts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Call it idle curiosity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will regarded Y with some suspicion. “I severely doubt anything you and your species do is motivated by idle curiosity.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because everything you’ve done so far is calculated. Isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Elaborate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will narrowed his eyes. Everything about this Questioning felt different, and not just because he had seen the truth of the Ritual. It was almost as if this was no longer about events in his life, but more an experiment to see how he would react to things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The lie about being unchanging. The lie about the Ritual. Making people happy before sending them to their slaughter. Need I go on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Interesting. You view it as a slaughter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else would you call it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ascension.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not from where I’m standing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where you stand is unimportant,” said Y, with a tone of finality. “You are lesser.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if those words had triggered him, Will stood up straight. “Lesser? At least I don’t go around ripping people apart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will concede that the process is painful, but consider that the process takes a few seconds, against a lifetime of shedding the negative aspects of your thoughts and memories. And your kind learn to shed their pain, also. We offer contentment before the final pain. The pain is ephemeral.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y turned its head to the side. “And then, when they are gone, they are Ascended to a new plane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“According to who? You? I didn’t see that happen. I saw that giant thing, that, that… Converter, rip that soul to shreds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Source tells us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Source? Infallible, is it?” Will asked sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Y noticed the tone of voice, it didn’t show it. “The Source is everything. The Source saved us. Before it, we were adrift, much like your kind. We have changed to become superior. The Source ensures our survival and maintains our world. Our cities, our technological prowess, even the fuel for it all, is only possible because of The Source. The Source is endless and all-knowing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuel… You mean, us? The dead?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so different from your own world?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do not your bodies become a source of nutrition for other lifeforms? Do you not eat other life forms to fuel your own selves?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will wanted to say it wasn’t the same, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Whether he liked it or not, he couldn’t help but see Y’s point. He even agreed to an extent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Much like your kind fuel themselves and their societies with the bodies and essences of lesser forms, so do we. Another cycle of life and death, but in a different world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said none of you can die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Source has made us immortal, for as long as we have a way to maintain our world. It gave us your dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We do not know. It will not tell us all its secrets, nor will we ask. It does not owe us anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s why you revere it so much. And that’s it? That’s the entirety of your world? What are the buildings for? What are the holograms for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y stretched an arm out to the side. The room suddenly extended several feet in one direction. Will took a step back involuntarily from surprise but managed to maintain his composure otherwise. A small platform appeared in the middle of the new space and a hologram came to life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a young woman standing in front of a mirror, doing her make-up. She was beautiful. She lined her eyes, applied mascara, and began to work on her lips, before growling with frustration and throwing the lipstick aside. Gripping the sink in front of her she stared at the mirror and began to cry, causing long trails of mascara down her cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why doesn’t he love me?” She asked her reflection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this?” Will asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A moment from the life of a woman named Leena Masani. She had just learned that her husband was unfaithful to her. This was the aftermath.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y waved its arm and the hologram disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so interested in our lives if all you do is use us to power your cities?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We lack originality, William Dormin. Our reliance on The Source means we do not have any reason to do what your kind does. Diversify, create, destroy. We have only the cities to create, so we stay inside when the storms come. To put it simply, your lives are entertainment. We enjoy watching them. We enjoy trying to understand them. We enjoy taking them apart to examine each element. Your kind are endlessly varied, endlessly unpredictable. It is fascinating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Will’s face contorted with vehement shock. “That’s it? We’re—what? We’re soap operas to you? Do you have any idea how insulting that is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Insulting? We have never forgotten anything we have received from your kind. There are stories here that stretch back so long that you would never finish witnessing them all. Here, your kind has a kind of immortality in itself. Is this not appealing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it isn’t! You’ve reduced us to nothing but fuel and entertainment!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck are you even telling me this? Why do you care what I think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y stood up slowly, walked around the table and stopped in front of Will. There was a heavy silence hanging in the air. Will felt it grow until it felt oppressive and he wanted to break it. Still, he kept silent. It felt like a battle of the wills, a battle between his curiosity and Y’s silence. He was glad it was Y who broke it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are a source of fascination to us, William Dormin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because occasionally, amongst the dead comes a specimen like yourself. A specimen that, despite our best efforts, resists our attempts to turn them. A specimen that is endlessly curious and willing to ignore our requests. You will last longer, much longer than the other dead you’ve come with, until you are the only left. We choose to observe those specimens much more closely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can’t be that simple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it is. You saw it yourself. Luc Moreau was the first. He told the other humans what experiences we gave him and they were happy and willing to accept his words. There have been many others who have willingly gone along with what we tell them. It does not take long for the mindlessness to settle in. They go along with the proceedings because they are far more willing to accept our lies and we never witness any suspicion from them. You, on the other hand, have never stopped being suspicious. It is still unknown why this happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re just studying me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt like a lab rat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, he felt worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lab rats didn’t know they were lab rats. He had his full sentience on display, and he was still nothing but an inferior life form to Y. He had no idea what to feel. There was no anger. There wasn’t even any sadness. He had been delivered a calm, full summation of his existence in this new world and he was resigned to it. Every time he even thought of resisting the idea, he was reminded of the absolute power Y and its species had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt as though he was drifting as he sat down on the floor and hugged his legs. There was nothing he could do; that was the crux of it. He felt as powerless as he had done in life and the weight of it was threatening to crush him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not studying. Simply observing you, William Dormin,” said Y.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that’s why you allowed me to see the Ritual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Emily?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is no longer a concern.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Will almost got up in alarm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is no need to worry. She is still here. We have taken her memories of the Ritual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She will no longer remember the Ritual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The idea was so appealing to him. Yes, it was a violation of her psyche but the thought of forgetting what he had seen drew him like a moth to the flame. He could still hear the scream fading into the Converter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you make me forget?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked up in surprise. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y said nothing. Instead, it grew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will watched with trepidation as it grew to ten feet tall and was suddenly imposing and regal in stature. The auras behind it grew ever larger, until they filled the room. Everything behind the auras looked distorted to Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked on in astonishment, taking in the sight of Y’s true form, the Leader itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have all been watching, William Dormin,” said Y. “Especially through these eyes.” It gestured to its face. “The Source took us into its embrace, and we became its eyes, too. All of us are one, with one thought, and one voice. It will not let you forget, so we will obey it. We will keep observing, until you have finally decided to fade into nothingness, like the rest of the dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made it sound like he had a choice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will quietly asked, “I can go whenever I want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… you said I resist the changes. I can’t change myself the way the others did. Wouldn’t it be impossible for me to leave, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone can leave any time. Our gift to your kind is to help you shed the pain of your lives. And who better to shed the pain of his life, than you? You may not be able to change as much as they have done so, but you can leave this behind, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I can’t have the same peace as them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have more peace than you did before, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had too many thoughts rushing; it was like trying to stop a river.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ultimately, the only thought that proved itself prominent was the thought of a second death. Stay here and know that his fellow humans were going to be shredded out of existence or offer himself up for the threshing floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what about Emily?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He may have shed some of his pain but most of the light in his existence was there because of her. The connection he felt to her. The protectiveness that reared up at the thought of her going anywhere near the Converter. None of it mattered; he was powerless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell of a gift,” murmured Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y, which was no longer really Y in Will’s head because the facial shapes had changed to the Leader’s, simply tilted its head. “You lived once, William Dormin. You chose not to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know that. I regret that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I think so. I don’t know. I had… I wasn’t thinking straight. What was I supposed to do? I was in pain and all I could think about was ending it. And now I’m here. It’s been easier, even with remembering what I did. And it’s been easier because of who I’ve been with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will sighed and closed his eyes, grimacing as he stopped his tears from spilling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to lose her,” he said calmly. “I don’t feel so alone anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y said nothing, for which Will was grateful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go find Emily,” said Will, standing up and turning away from Y. “I’m done with this conversation. I’m done with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he walked back, he thought about the sheer irony of it all. Only in death did he feel he had found a reason for living. He understood it was not necessarily healthy to live for someone else, but he no longer cared. Maybe he was latching onto her as a reason when he shouldn’t have been, or perhaps it was an act of desperation borne from his unique perspective on this world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped and thought about it. No. The only thing that pulled at him was that he felt connected to her. All that mattered now was Emily.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Embrace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>Embrace</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>He sought her out as quickly as possible. Her mouth stretched into a brilliant smile when she saw him, and when she hugged him, his heart burst with warmth. He had to stop himself crying from the sheer intensity of her presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will, where have you been? I looked for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked her right in the eyes and stayed silent for a few moments, searching for the truth of Y’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will? You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “You?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good. Were you being Questioned?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where have you been?” Will asked before he could stop himself. “I mean… what’s the last thing you remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily frowned softly. “Uh… oh, we learned that two more of the crowd are going to go through the Ritual. Actually, I think by now they probably already have gone through it. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will shook his head, the disappointment rife. It hit him far harder than he expected, but he did his best not to show it. “Never mind. I’m just a little spaced out. I’ve been having trouble remembering the last few hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you’re okay?” Emily asked, taking his hand. “Must’ve been an intense session, hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Session? Oh. The Questioning. Yes. Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want to tell me about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man’s primal scream ripped through his memory. The choice lay before him, plain as the worried look on her face. Tell her and shatter the illusions the Shepherds had set up for everyone. Don’t tell her, and she would stay wrapped in lies and comforted in the knowledge that she would achieve contentment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood there long enough for her to pull at his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Will. We’re going to your bedroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they walked there, he wondered how far he was willing to go where she was concerned. Honesty mattered more than ever, it seemed to him. Knowing that he had confronted himself to an extent, had given truth more weight. Now, he was stuck with the quandary of whether he could be truthful to Emily and the rest of the dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was worse when he kept seeing her worried look, especially as she sat him down beside her when they reached his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have regrets?” Will asked. It was the first question that came to mind and he wasn’t sure why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regrets? About what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About your life. About things in your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily sighed. “I’m not sure I believe that’s a possibility. Depending on what regrets you’re talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there’s more than one type of regret, isn’t there? There’s the little regrets where you regret that you forgot something or you regret that you ate so much that you feel uncomfortable. Inconsequential things, right? And then there’s the other kind of regret where you look back on your life and you wonder about things done differently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those are the regrets I’m talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, no. I don’t regret things not done. Not those big ones.” She was adamant about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I made those decisions based on who I was at the time. If I didn’t, I’d be a different person. You can’t regret something you would’ve done because it was just part of your inherent nature in the moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you can look back after you did it. You can know at the time, can’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily shrugged. “Can you? It’s the same thing, isn’t it? You’re still looking back after the fact. Why regret it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had no idea how to answer that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t regret anything because who I was, is who acted. Though, I can think about why I made those choices. I can think about why I was that person. I get the feeling that’s the whole point of this process. It’s just another way for us to know ourselves even more,” said Emily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will wanted to agree with her wholeheartedly. Perhaps that was the side of him that wanted her death to mean something. He remembered that Y had said as much; it was a gift of sorts to know yourself and shed the pain. After Will had witnessed the Converter, however…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all seemed so pointless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think?” Emily asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you’re right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I am. I’m always right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! I made you smile. Finally. Seriously, are you okay? Is there a reason you’re asking me these questions?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just curious. It’s been a bit difficult for me today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just had to talk about a bunch of things, I suppose. Learned some things I rather would not have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you like to talk about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. Another thought came to mind. “I do have another question, though,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much honesty do you think is good between friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean? Are you asking me where the boundaries are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose so,” Will shrugged. “I mean… let’s say you knew something that might hurt someone else, would you tell them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily’s eyes unfocused slightly as she looked to the side thoughtfully. “I had a discussion about this once with my husband. I think it was in the fifth year of our marriage. We’d both done things in the previous four years that weren’t brilliant and ended up affecting us both down the line. Things we hadn’t told each other about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, little things. Little lies. Things that ended up dragging on and coming back to haunt us. Honestly, I don’t even remember now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what were the conclusions you came to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That honesty is always better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even if it hurts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I mean, unless it doesn’t serve anything. White lies are white lies. Big lies… if they can hurt later on, then yes. Even if it hurts, it’s good to say it. That stopped our marriage from eventually breaking down. A little pain early on to save the worse pain later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. That makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Is there something you want to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” lied Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in death, he could not escape the odd, low-grade, constant feeling of not quite fitting in where he was supposed to be. Emily had accepted her fate and was already applying meaning to it. He could not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were gentle and sad as she regarded him and as much as he wanted to know what she was thinking at that moment, he did not ask. He said nothing. He sat with his back to the wall and turned his head, focusing on the curved dome of a ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Know thyself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if he didn’t want to know himself? What possible purpose could it achieve now that he was no longer alive? Along with the knowledge of what was coming?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the people he had known, knew him as someone dead. He was frozen in their eyes. He was in dirt, or burnt to ashes, and the only traces of him left in the living world were in the minds of other people. People who loved him, hated him, pitied him, adored him, people who were indifferent to him and in some cases, there were tiny traces of him embedded in people who had once glanced at him in passing, and never thought of him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To some he was a hole in their lives, and to others, he was a forgotten speck of dust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at her. She was so beautiful. He could tell her the truth now and she’d know everything they had gone through was for nothing. Or maybe she’d agree with Y, that it didn’t matter because she had learned more about her life. That maybe some of that pain at the end was worth the happiness she had now. Or maybe it’d destroy her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to hold her close and protect her from it all. These were feelings he had never felt in life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking, Will?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re wonderful, Emily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw the blush in her cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been a long, long time since someone said something like that to me,” she admitted with a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I think you’re wonderful, too, Will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if you understand,” said Will. “I mean, I really think you’re wonderful. Since I met you, my life-- I mean… Just being here. It’s been so much easier. I don’t think I took to this place like you and the others did. Being around you makes things more comfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her smile widened. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She touched his arm and he felt the electricity flow through, lights dashing up his upper arm, grazing his collarbone and making it tingle in the way he liked whenever his ex-girlfriends had bitten him there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think so much, Will. All the time. I don’t understand it. It’s like you don’t know how to slow down, even after death.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She brushed his cheek with her fingertips and was briefly mesmerised by the way the lights spread out over his face, crossing the bridge of his nose and over his eyeball.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you feel that? It went through your eye,” she whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did it feel like?” Emily asked, drawing a line down his cheek and watching those lights do the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt so brave suddenly. It was insane how that little action had unlocked his ability to show her his feelings. He just wanted to forget everything for a few moments. Was that so bad? And her touch was sparking that joy within him; strong and vivid, like he was being flooded with colour on a grey day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like this,” Will told her, reaching out to cup her jaw and brush her cheek with his thumb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have been a bit freaked out at seeing two orbs of light zig zag their way over the surface of her eye as they faded. Instead, her pupil was lit gold briefly, and he imagined he could see all the starry universe inside it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes and smiled. She kissed the heel of his thumb. He watched the lights flow into his forearm, down to his elbow. More of them than before, far more than from a simple touch from the fingertips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Feels good,” whispered Emily. “Why don’t you stop thinking and let your body do something for itself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that an invitation?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily giggled. “Still thinking. C’mere, Will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened her eyes, and they were still aglow. There was a light within her that was coursing through and he could see it spread out over her face and neck. There were tiny sparks jumping to and from between the different lines on her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For once, Will stopped thinking and leaned forward to kiss her full on the lips. The sensation was instant, and he had no words for it. All he knew was he could feel the energy flowing from her mouth into his, could feel it run through his jaw and down into his neck, a surge of tingles that lit his nerves on fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Any awareness of time he had left, evaporated in that moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When their lips separated, their eyes darted all over each other’s faces, noting the way they were aglow. Will was beginning to understand; because they had left their bodies behind, in their nakedness, their raw essences were touching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nowhere for the energy to go but between the two of them. The light in their eyes slowly faded, and Emily got onto her knees so she ended up a head above him. Her hands immediately cupped his face. She dove in for another kiss, eliciting another surge between them. It was far stronger. They pushed back and forth with their mouths, unable to contain the passion they both felt for one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was more of it than Will expected and the recognition that she felt as drawn to him as he did to her only served to make the feelings of pleasure stronger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She straddled his lap and he put his hands on her hips straight away. Her weight excited him, and his fingernails pressed into her skin, causing her to moan and giggle. She kissed a trail from his mouth to his neck and bit into his skin, causing that electricity to flow harder and stronger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When her teeth left his skin, his hands slowly went up her sides and the moment slowed. Their eyes met.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you, Will,” she whispered, and punctuated it with a long kiss. “Right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The answer was yes.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Emily</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>Emily</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>There were long walks together through the passages of the building and sometimes outside it. If Emily showed curiosity about the cities in the distance, Will would remind her they were told of dangers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were long talks with their heads pressed together, and fingers mingling with one another. Once they had finally asked the Shepherds to give them things, there were long periods spent playing silly little games together, doing puzzles, and creating art.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was exploration of each other, either through their words and looks, or through their bodies and wandering hands and tongues and kisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was time spent sharing their secrets with one another, their fears and their happiness, and the bits of themselves that were mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In essence, they gave each other parts of their souls, embedded their memories into one another and carried each other with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One by one, the other dead left and each time they did, Will felt a small part of himself grow heavier, as if their second deaths were soaked into him. Sometimes he imagined that after they were shredded apart, their consciousnesses wandered freely in the air around the Golden City and they had truly become part of the world in a way he could not fathom. He wanted so much for that to be true, because there was something appealing to him about the idea of being torn apart and mixed in with Emily’s remnants. Permanent and immortal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew it was never going to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The secret sat deep inside himself, a leaden anchor to the world around him, while the others sought Ascension and were annihilated instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, only he and Emily were left and he knew the only reason she was still there was because of him. He knew it couldn’t last because there were times he could see a part of her feeling the pull towards the Ritual. Whether that came entirely from her, or because it was given to her by the Shepherds, he did not know. It did not matter; the pull would win eventually. She had seen too many of the others showing their contentment and their readiness for the next world. And she wouldn’t say it, but he knew she wondered if she would be reunited with people she had left behind, and the people who had left her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could not blame her for that. Again, he had no idea if that was a curiosity that came from her, or had been put into her. It was impossible to tell sometimes how much of her was her and how much of her was the influence of the Shepherds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes were golden and blue flecks now. Her own pain had gone from her, but anything left behind that resembled pain and darkness, came from knowing him. Will could not absorb the Shepherds’ influence any more, and the longer he spent there, the more he had come to realise it was true. Though he may have shed some of the darkness and pain from his life, he would never reach the heady heights the others had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you changed like the others, Will?” Emily asked once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He simply shrugged. “Maybe I’m just not ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… it’s been so long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I worry about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. I won’t be here forever, will I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The energy in her coursed through her like lightning some days. When she kissed him and touched him, he could feel the power of it. It was almost overwhelming and he could not match it. Other times, she was quiet and would stare out into the world around them, fascinated by the imprints of emotions hanging in the air. Sometimes she even played around with them, running her fingers through the air and mesmerised by how she could see her very essence become part of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All things came to an end. It was the only truth he could think of that he had accepted with his entire being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day came eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He felt numb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at him and smiled sadly. “Are you angry at me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You realise this isn’t because you’re not enough, don’t you?” Emily asked, eyes tearing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew the question came from her guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emily, you need to go if you feel you need to go. I know how it’s pulling at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It isn’t because you’re not enough. Being with you here has been a second life in itself,” she said in a small, quiet voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” said Will. He smiled broadly. “I never had this when I was alive. I loved every moment with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily returned the smile, and took his hands in her own. She squeezed them and kissed his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was curious, thought Will. It was curious how she did not behave or see the world as Luc had done. While she smiled calmly, it wasn’t as mindlessly beatific as Luc’s had been. And while she certainly felt content and as though she had shed all the darkness she could, she never proselytised it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked to the ceiling and said, “I’m ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought perhaps she would’ve waited longer, but she had been patient for a long time. Maybe she’d been waiting for him this entire time and now she knew he was going to take too long, her patience had run out. It still hurt a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y and two Shepherds arrived at the other end of the room. Y stretched out its arm and the rectangular portal appeared, showing the base of the enormous central structure. For a desperate moment, Will felt the urge to tell her where she was going, but it would not come out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you are ready,” said Y, tilting its head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emily nodded. She looked at Will again and kissed his mouth hard, tears running freely down her face. “I don’t want to prolong this,” she said. “So, I’m going to go now, Will. I’ll see you there on the other side. Soon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon.” He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Emily.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched her walk to the portal and look at the aliens who stood there. They nodded. She walked through, followed by them and the portal closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The numbness dissolved and Will immediately began to cry as he tried to swallow his sadness down. It would not relent. There was nothing left now. He stood there for quite some time, looking at the place where the portal had been, until he could no longer cry and there was just the sadness, hollow and vast, threatening to consume his entire being.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Oblivion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <b>Oblivion</b>
</h1><p>
  <span>Y appeared by his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked at it, too afraid to ask the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is done,” said Y. “She has Ascended.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will closed his eyes, trying not to think of the pain she must have endured. The world felt empty with that confirmation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope one day this all stops,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All things come to an end, Y. All things. You all began differently, and you changed. You think you’ll all stay like this forever, but that will change, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y ignored that. “We are curious, William Dormin. Why did you not tell her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was silent for quite some time. The guilt was palpable but at least he could no longer feel the weight of the secret. “I don’t know. I wish I had some profound reason to tell you but it comes down to two things, really. I was afraid to, and I didn’t want to make her afraid. It’s like you said; she had a second lifetime of whatever it is you all gave her, and then just the final few moments of pain. It could’ve been far worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, a lie was preferable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It was. It was the only thing I ever kept from her. I think sometimes she knew I was keeping something back, but she never asked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if she had?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have said anything. I just wanted to see her happy, not fearful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y absorbed those words. Then, it asked, “And you, William Dormin? Will you now submit to the Ritual?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soon. Oblivion would be preferable to this. There’s nothing left.” He paused. “I want to know something, though,” he continued. “Why was she different? Even at the end. She wasn’t like the others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She still carried one last burden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will said nothing to that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps there is some comfort to be had in knowing your sacrifice prolongs our world,” suggested Y.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Not one bit. But that doesn’t matter, does it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You are--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lesser. I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a simple cycle for these beings. Several conversations had shown him by now that humans really were just inferior beings that they were justified in exploiting, as long as they gave them something in return. Will no longer cared about the inferiority they would remind him about. Sometimes there was anger. Sometimes there was resignation. One thing, however, never left. It was pity. Pity for a race of aliens that could not experience the full breadth of life the way human beings could. A race of aliens that, as far as he could tell, had given up the sheer variation and complexity that life could afford them. All for some higher being that watched endlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were answers he would never get, he knew that now. He could be content with that much. And he would always feel inferior to them because of the sheer power they held over him and his actions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a small seed of satisfaction inside, though. Deep at his core. He could resist their influence and they had no idea why. He could still be himself and resist the pull of oblivion, which meant when he finally left this world, this god-awful, confusing mess of a prison, it would be because he chose to do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as much as they believed they had all the power, they were wrong and would never understand why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Y, how are we going to do this? I assume you can force me to go to the Converter any time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We would prefer not to. You are still welcome to attempt to become like the others first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I suppose that’s not for me, really. Just imagine, hmm? If I just stayed here forever and forever, until you all decided enough was enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There will always be more of your dead. Even now, we await the arrival of more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that right?” He wasn’t even surprised. He shrugged and sighed. “I’ve got time to decide when I go, I know this much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ended your life once before. Why is this different?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’d understand. See, I’ve realised this. I could tell you it’s because of Emily and how happy she made me and how I didn’t feel like I did when I was alive. But none of that matters and none of you understand. You understand intellectually, of course. You know that some of my mental states are preferable to others. You understand we all influence one another to feel a certain way. You’re all practised at that; very good at manipulation. But you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand</span>
  </em>
  <span> the power of our emotions and how we actually feel. You can’t. It’s actually quite pathetic,” concluded Will, tilting his head sarcastically. “You might be superior in terms of control, but you’re inferior because of how limited you’ve made yourselves. You gave up so much to be what you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y said nothing. It tilted its head and maybe another time, Will would’ve wondered what it was thinking, but he was past caring now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I want some time alone,” said Will. “I’ll call you when I’m ready. Kindly fuck off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who knew when it was when he made his decision? Time was liquid. More of the dead arrived, fresh-faced and confused and excited and all manner of things that Will didn’t really feel anymore. He barely greeted them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t been all bad. He had his memories of Emily, and the good memories of his sisters. He even managed to make holograms of both, all of which made him smile to himself any time he indulged in immersing himself in those times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day, enough was enough, because all things came to an end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked outside and looked up at the ever-churning Source.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ready, you bastard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just for a brief moment, smaller than a second, he saw The Source, brighter than ever before, a wholly white core of energy with movements he couldn’t understand. It was gone quickly, but it was enough to make him see what the Shepherds did. He did not even care to wonder why The Source had allowed him to see it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y appeared and they arrived at the city within a matter of seconds. Will barely took in any of his surroundings, or the sounds from the Shepherds, or even the presence of the Converter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he thought of was Emily. It had become such a habit, the ability to immerse himself in those experiences. Everything else felt inconsequential.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y began to chant their story but as soon as Will realised it was doing so, he zoned out entirely. When the Converter focused on him, Will became aware of where he was again. He looked at it with defiance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It picked him up, surprisingly gentle and slow. He tried not to think of Emily and all the ones before. The Converter brought him up to its head, for what reason, he didn’t know, but they looked at one another for a few beats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have learned much from you, William Dormin,” said Y, floating to the side of the Converter’s hand. “Is there anything else you wish to tell us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The humming almost drowned out its voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope when your end comes, you’re ready for it,” said Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a stutter in the humming, so pronounced that Will even saw Y’s energies blink, just as the others did. The place around darkened for that one moment and to Will, it was glorious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Y simply floated away and Will felt he had delivered some kind of mortal insult. The Converter lowered him to torso height and Will saw the hollow, ready to trap him. The Converter put him in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was dark and dry and he felt its body creeping over his sides and back. And once the searing pain began, he was grateful for it, for it was marked proof of the second chance he had been given. After that, he thought only of Emily. Emily with her smile, and the surge-filled touches, and the comfort, and the vast love with which she had surrounded him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, there was nothing.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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